


Adagio

by kaiokid



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Ballet, Angst, Anxiety, Child Neglect, Depression, Domestic, Eating Disorders, Established Relationship, Family, Fluff, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, New York City, Recovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-12
Updated: 2017-05-31
Packaged: 2018-10-03 01:58:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10233122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaiokid/pseuds/kaiokid
Summary: Ballet AU!This fic follows the podium family + Otabek and the others being dancers in a professional, world renowned ballet company.tw for eating disorders and other mental health issues





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING. (literally nothing lol) I have nothing to do with YGAP either. 
> 
> So I've this idea for a little while and I figured I'd write about it. aaannndd if its horrible we cross that bridge when we come to it :)
> 
> I'm putting some references at the bottom of the page in case there's anything confusing about all the ballet.
> 
> Also this is just the prologue so there isn't much dialogue just settin everything up.
> 
> I have most of the story outlined and I think it's gonna be about 14 maybe 15 chapters

Viktor Nikiforov thinks that Yuuri Katsuki is perfect.

 

Yuuri knows he isn’t.

 

He still gets nervous before going on stage even though he’s been performing for years, he drinks too much water between barre and center, then mentally kicks himself at the feeling of water sloshing around in his stomach by the time the class has reached petit allegro. He doesn’t always maintain the healthiest diet either, which he knew was important to keeping his body in the shape of a principal of a world-renowned company.

 

Yuuri sees Viktor performing a variation from Le Corsaire for the first time at the age of twelve when his ballet teacher Minako brings him to see the Youth America Grand Prix, a dance competition where scouts find dancers for their schools and company apprenticeships. His costume was a brilliant light blue that complemented his pale skin and silvery hair perfectly. He could jump _and_ he could turn. Yuuri always thought you could only have one or the other. He had high stamina, he could repeat grand allegro over and over again without getting winded, but he stumbled out of triple pirouettes all too often. Yuuri could jump, but he couldn’t turn. Other kids at his studio could turn, but couldn’t jump. And here Viktor was, doing both, beautifully.

 

After Yuuri couldn’t stop talking about Viktor’s performance at YGAP, Minako was surprised to see him soon fall into a slump when he got back into the studio. He sulked during class, and when confronted by Minako after a week, he eventually had a complete breakdown.

 

“What am I even doing here? I’m no good! I’ve tried everything and it doesn’t matter! It doesn’t matter because I keep falling out of my pirouettes, it doesn’t matter because I’ll never be good enough! None of it matters one bit!” Yuuri’s voice shook as he sobbed into Minako’s sweater.

 

Minako waited a minute for Yuuri to cry it out before gripping him by the shoulders and looking him in the eyes.

 

“Yuuri, why are you being such a drama queen?”

 

“Huh?” Yuuri looked surprised.

“So what if your turns aren’t perfect right now? You do know you’re only twelve years old right?”

 

Yuuri didn’t respond, his lower lip wobbling slightly.

 

“We’ll just have to work on your turns some more, get you in tip-top shape!” Minako said as she slapped the side of Yuuri’s shoulder.

 

After that, Yuuri starts taking private lessons. He spends an hour alone with Minako in the studio working on improving his pirouettes. When Minako tries to correct Yuuri’s spotting and he can’t turn his head around fast enough, he suffers another blow to his confidence. This time, instead of letting him wallow in his sorrows for too long, Minako tells Yuuri to forget spotting, and to turn with his eyes closed. It takes him a while to get used to it, but he his turns eventually improve, bumping him up to triples, and sometimes he even gets four turns in before sticking a clean landing if he’s feeling confident.

 

* * *

 

 

When Yuuri is sixteen, he earns a spot at the American Ballet School after performing the same variation as Viktor in the Youth America Grand Prix. His heart swells with pride. He’s another step closer to his childhood idol. At this point, Viktor was already soloist in the company and Yuuri swears he’ll work hard enough to earn an apprenticeship, and after that move up in the ranks to where Viktor is at someday.

 

He moves to New York and lives in the dorms with a roommate from Thailand named Phichit. Living away from his family is hard, keeping a phone schedule with his mom while accounting for the time differences even harder, but Phichit lifts Yuuri’s spirits in a way unlike anyone he’d ever known. He thinks he really lucked out because he’s living with his best friend. They eat together, train together, play videogames together, Phichit even jokes about Yuuri’s obsession with Viktor when Yuuri stays at the studios late to watch Viktor’s rehearsals. Yuuri can agree with Phichit that maybe it is a little bit ridiculous, but he just can’t help but be in awe. Viktor had such beautiful lines, such beautiful port de bras, he danced with such elegance and emotion, and now Yuuri was in the same place as him. He couldn’t work up the courage to talk to him or anything like that, but he got to watch him, be in the same room up close to him, Yuuri couldn’t be happier.

 

Yuuri gets an apprenticeship position with the company after his exams when he’s seventeen years old. Even though Phichit doesn’t become an apprentice and has to remain in the school for another year, Yuuri can tell he’s happy for him. Phichit buys him a cake from the grocery store with pink frosting that reads ‘Congratulations! It’s a Girl!’ on it. Yuuri laughs but looks ultimately confused when he comes home with it, and Phichit explains that it’s the only one they had at the store on short notice but it had to make do because the celebration can’t wait until tomorrow.

 

While sitting on the floor in between their beds eating cake, Phichit devilishly points out that now that Yuuri is becoming an apprentice he’d be taking company class with Viktor.

 

“Oh my god, you’re right! How could I not realize that before?! I’m gonna have to take class with Viktor Nikiforov! What if I mess up? What if I fall? He’s going to see everything!” Yuuri started to ramble and Phichit was playfully pointing and laughing at him.

 

“And what if he stands next to me at barre? I can’t do it, I can’t, I’ll literally die!”

 

“Relax Yuuri, you’re not going to die. It’s just class.”

 

“Yeah just class, class with Viktor fucking Nikiforov.” Yuuri rubbed his eyes underneath his glasses.

 

Yuuri lays down on his side and continues to groan while Phichit continues to chuckle lightheartedly.

 

* * *

 

 

It turns out that company class is how Viktor and Yuuri first meet. Yuuri’s biggest fears don’t come true and Viktor doesn’t stand next to him at barre, and he doesn’t fall on his face either. The class is running grand allegro in pairs going across the floor the teacher, Lilia Baranovskaya, just keeps shouting “One more time!”. Even Yuuri, with his incredible stamina is starting to get tired but he’s determined not to show it and slack off, especially in his first company class. He can’t help but feel good about himself though when he sees most of the other dancers bent over exhausted and sweating and he goes across the floor for the fourth time. He’s about halfway through the combination when he sees a silvery wisp of hair out of the corner of his eye and realizes it’s Viktor. He wants to kick himself, he’d been purposefully avoiding going across the floor Viktor but he let himself get overconfident and he’d jumped in without thinking.

 

_Don’t panic._

 

_Remember the combination._

 

_Chasse efface._

 

_You’re fine._

 

_Sauté de basque._

 

_Like Phichit said, it’s just class, you’re supposed to mess up in class._

 

_Right?_

 

_Pas de bourree._

 

_Don’t panic._

 

_Glissade._

 

_Almost done._

 

_Saute de chat._

 

“Good! And next!” Lilia shouted as the next pair set up to move across the floor.

 

“No way I’m running that combination another time.” Viktor laughed but breathed heavily.

 

“You’re pretty impressive, you don’t even seem tired.” Viktor admitted as he bent down and cracked his ankles with his hands.

 

Yuuri blushed furiously, but didn’t allow himself to say anything back. He was already amazed that Viktor Nikiforov was complimenting him for something, he wasn’t going to ruin it by doing something stupid like talking.

 

“You’re a new apprentice right?” Viktor asked, straightening himself upward again.

 

Yuuri nodded his head.

 

“Yeah, I’ve seen you watching our rehearsals. You must be dedicated, no one else stays in the studio longer than they have to everyday to watch”

 

Just when Yuuri thinks that maybe Viktor is naive enough not to see what was really going on, Viktor says something to make his face redden even more.

 

“Or maybe I just have a groupie.” Viktor smirked.

 

Yuuri felt himself getting hot, and not because of the heat in the room.

 

“Viktor.” Viktor said as he held out his hand.

 

“I know.” Yuuri said before he had a chance to realize what he’d said. He clamped his hand over his mouth.

 

_Really? Viktor Nikiforov introduces himself to you and that’s the first thing you say to him?! Are you stupid?!_

 

“I mean uhh- um” Yuuri stuttered. “I’m Yuuri.” He finally managed to choke out. His hand clasped with Viktor’s. Viktor chuckled.  

 

* * *

 

 

Yuuri is soon promoted to the corps de ballet, and Viktor is promoted to principal around the same time. They start dating soon afterward.

 

When Yuuri turns twenty-two, he moves in with Viktor. They live in a sunlight, spacious apartment in Brooklyn. He feels guilty about leaving Phichit behind, but Phichit practically pushes Yuuri out of their dorm. He’s become Viktor and Yuuri’s number one fan, posting pictures of them on his instagram almost daily. The two remain close friends, they see each other in class everyday now that Phichit has joined the company, and they hang out outside of the studio too. They have a tradition that they go see a movie every Tuesday, and then go out to eat and talk about how much they liked or hated the movie. Viktor and his friend Chris, another principal who came from Switzerland began to join in the Tuesday night traditions as well.

 

Yuuri realizes that he catches himself saying ‘he couldn’t be happier’ quite a lot. Too much actually. But really, Yuuri couldn’t be happier. He was living and dancing with his childhood crush, he had friends surrounding him, he was exactly where he’d always wanted to be.

 

Viktor and Yuuri decide to join Lilia and Yakov, who co direct the school and the company in going to the YGAP finals in New York. Viktor says Yakov wants to see a kid named Yuri Plisetsky in the junior division, but there’s no doubt he’s going to win. According to Viktor, the kid was a genius, and whether he did win or not, Yakov was offering him training at the American Ballet School even though he was only twelve. Viktor knew Yuri’s mother and grandfather from when he’d lived in Russia. As expected, Yuri wins and is invited to the school.

 

Then came the issue of his living arrangements. Yuri was a real tough cookie and he didn’t want to live in the dorms. His grandfather was too old and sick to move to the states with Yuri, he couldn’t afford it either. Yuri’s mom was in and out of the picture, so she wasn’t really much help either. Which was how Yuri started to live with Viktor and the ‘other Yuuri’. To avoid confusion, Viktor nicknames him ‘Yurio’. Yurio absolutely hates this.

As a matter of fact, Yurio hates a lot of things. He hates loud noises even though he yells a lot. He hates when people talk too much or ask him too many questions. He hates watching Viktor and Yuuri be all gross and lovey dovey in their apartment. He hates peanut butter, pickles, bananas, and greasy food. But Yurio does love ballet, and he’s practically a prodigy. He works hard to prove himself, and he reminds Yuuri a bit of himself ten years ago.

 

As much as his behavior suggests otherwise, Yuri actually likes Viktor’s husband.

Yuuri isn’t nosy. He’s quiet, he listens, and he makes good pancakes.   

 

The three are happy with their little makeshift family they’ve found themselves in.

 

Viktor had his first knee surgery at 26. He’d had knee pain for the majority of his career, but a recent MRI scan showed several small tears in his meniscus, that would have to be repaired with surgery if he wanted to continue dancing. This was the first time he brought up the idea of retiring. Viktor, Yuuri, and Yurio discussed the options over a table of chinese take out when Viktor came home from the doctor.

 

“So you’re saying you could either have the surgery and keep dancing, or not have it and retire?” Yuuri asks. “Yeah.” Viktor replies unenthusiastically and gulps down his glass of water.

 

“That’s stupid if you ask me.” Yurio interjected. “Just have the stupid surgery and come back. It’s not like you tore your ACL or something. It won’t take you that long to recover.”

 

“It just all feels rather pointless don’t you think?” Viktor slumps back in his chair and folds his arms. Yurio snorts and looks away.

 

“Why do you say that, Viktor? I mean, you could have years of performing left if you do get this surgery, and think about it, you won’t be in pain anymore. You’ll be able to enjoy performing like you did when you were twenty. This doesn’t necessarily mean your career is over.”

 

Viktor smiled slightly. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy dancing anymore, in fact he still loved it. It was easily one of the things on this earth he loved more than anything else. After Yuuri, Yurio, and Makkachin of course. He just can’t remember not being in pain, and it really sucks when something you’ve always loved causes you so much pain.

 

“Whatever, old man.” Yurio stands up and puts his dishes in the sink before slamming the door to his bedroom.

 

“Come here, Yuuri.” Viktor sighs and holds out his arms. Yuuri stands up from his seat at the table, walks from the other side and sits down in Viktor’s lap. He sets his chin on the top of Viktor’s head and Viktor nuzzles his face in the crook of Yuuri’s neck.

 

“Old man.” Yuuri echos.

 

“Shut up.” Viktor laughs as he playfully pokes Yuuri in the stomach.

 

Viktor ends up having the surgery and takes a short break from performing, but his pain doesn’t completely go away. He makes the decision to retire at the age of 28, when he decides that cortisone shots aren’t going to hold him together anymore. Yuuri feels selfish when he’s sad that Viktor is leaving the company, because Yuuri himself had just been promoted to principal, but Viktor agrees to teach some of the upper level classes at the school, and still attends company class every once in awhile.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petit allegro- In ballet, allégro is a term applied to bright, fast or brisk steps and movement. All steps where the dancer jumps are considered allégro, such as sautés, jetés, cabrioles, assemblés, and so on.
> 
> chasse- A step in which one foot literally chases the other foot out of its position; done in a series.
> 
> efface- One of the directions in which the dancer stands at an oblique angle to the audience so that a part of the body is taken back and almost hidden from view.
> 
> Sauté de basque- A traveling step in which the dancer turns in the air with one foot drawn up to the knee of the other leg.
> 
> Pas de bourree- a sideways step in which one foot crosses behind or in front of the other.
> 
> Glissade - a movement, typically used as a joining step, in which one leg is brushed outward from the body, which then takes the weight while the second leg is brushed in to meet it.
> 
> Also the rankings in companies usually work like this:  
> Dancers from the school become apprentices, then they're promoted to corps de ballet, soloists, principals.
> 
> Here's a link to a video of that first variation I was talking about  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KidVFc--abI
> 
> hope you enjoy! Criticism appreciated
> 
> check me out on tumblr: absent.tumblr.com


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First real chapter yay  
> In this one Otabek is introduced and we get to see everyone's daily lives
> 
> tw for eating disorders 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own Yuri on Ice or any of it's characters, this is all pure fiction

“Glissade, Brisé, Sissone!” Viktor’s voice echos through the boys level seven class.

 

“You’re late boys, you’re late!”

 

“Pay attention to the music, you’re late!” Viktor yells again.

 

“And 1 and 2!” Viktor counts out loud.

 

“Yes, Otabek!” He yells after Otabek finishes the combination perfectly.

 

Yuri rolls his eyes and tries to drown out the old man’s yelling. It was nine in the morning and his head was already throbbing.

 

_I’m going to put nair in his shampoo when I get home._

 

At least he doesn’t have Lillia this morning though. He almost always felt like fainting after her class. Still though, Viktor was an annoying jerk.

 

The class moved on to waltz and two went across the floor at a time. Yuri stopped to look at himself the mirror after he’d gone both turns. He turned to look at his side and placed a hand on his stomach. He sighed and brought a hand up to his face. He kneaded his chubby cheeks in  his hands and felt disgusted with himself. Otabek finished his waltz and ended up where Yuri was standing in the corner. He nudged Yuri with his elbow, startling him out of his trance.

 

“Where’d you go?” Otabek whispered as he bent over and pressed his lips against Yuri’s ear.

 

Yuri playfully pushed him away with his shoulder and stuck his tongue out at him.

 

“Pay attention.” Yuri scolded and walked away as Viktor was demonstrating the next combination.

 

“Always the perfectionist.” Otabek muttered under his breath and marked the arms for the next combination.

 

He didn’t like for Yuri to stare at himself in the mirror like that. Yuri was so hard on himself, he could spend hour looking in the mirror just to point out every single thing that was wrong. It’s good to push yourself, how else would Yuri have moved up through the levels so fast? He was only sixteen and in the highest level at the school. But Otabek knew you could go too far and sometimes Yuri’s obsession with perfection scared him.

 

The class ended with Reverence and the dancers thanked Viktor and the pianist. Yuri always thanked the pianist but skipped the part where he had to walk up to Vikor, bow, and thank him for the class. No way.

 

Yuri headed down the hallway with Otabek and they sat down on the floor for lunch. Yuri grabbed his bright pink yoga mat and sat down in a middle split while he rummaged through his bag for the lunch that the pig made for him. His lunchbox was a bento that Yuuri got him for his birthday the first year he came to live with them. It was orange with little paw prints all over it and a cute little lion cub on the top. He’d never admit it but it was the cutest thing ever.

 

“What’d Yuuri give you for lunch today?” Otabek asks as he unfolds tinfoil off his sandwich.

 

“Who knows?” Yuri replies sounding uninterested. He probably wasn’t going to eat it anyway. Yuri knows the pig goes out of his way to make him and Viktor lunch every morning, and he’d feel bad if it went to waste. He usually ate a little bit of whatever had the fewest calories and gave the rest to Otabek.

 

Yuri sniffed. “Ugh what is that smell?”

 

“Peanut butter and banana sandwich” Otabek grinned as he bit into his lunch.

 

“Gross.”

 

“What? I thought peanut butter and banana were your favorites.” Otabek teased and scooted closer to Yuri. Yuri backed away.

 

“What? I want a kiss c’mon gimme a kiss.” Otabek teased even more.

 

_He’s doing this on purpose_

 

“Ew, you’re disgusting.” Yuri moaned and Otabek gave up, leaning back against the wall.

Yuri opened his lunch box. Celery, carrots, apples with nutella, a hard boiled egg, and a cup of yogurt. He took the celery and the egg out and shoved the rest toward Otabek.

 

“That’s all you’re eating?” Otabek asked.

 

“I had a really big breakfast this morning. Yuuri made pancakes so I’m not that hungry. You eat the rest.” Yuri lied.

 

He picked at the whites of the egg, leaving the yolk, and then ate all the celery. He and otabek made light conversation for a while, but then Otabek had to go to Pas de deux class. He kissed the top of Yuri’s head before standing up and muttering a quick “See you later.” Yuri pushed his food away from him and laid down flat in his middle split. Otabek took Pas with the rest of the level seven dancers, but Yuri took Pas with the level five students, because he was so small. Yuri hated Pas de deux with a passion. Lifting and turning girls wasn’t his thing. He wanted to shine on the stage on his own, and he always got stuck with an annoying partner.

 

He shoved his things in his bag and rolled up his yoga mat. He pulled his warm up pants and a sweatshirt to keep himself warm in between class and rehearsal. He began to walk toward the bathroom and stopped on his way to put his yoga mat in his locker. When he got to the bathroom, he walked toward the corner near the sinks where the scale was. He pulled a pen his tiny notebook out of the side pocket of his bag and recorded his weight. He did this three times a day. He had to make sure he was maintaining the perfect ballet dancer’s body. He wouldn’t be satisfied with anything less. He had to have long, slim, beautiful lines. He had to stand out amongst the rest of his classmates if he wanted to become a principal with the company some day. If the pig could do it, then Yuri would be damned if he couldn’t too.

He had a little over an hour before his next rehearsal. He went over options in his head. He could do some of his home school work or he could go watch Otabek’s Pas class. He could go find Yuuri and watch his rehearsal but he didn’t really feel like doing that because Viktor might be there, and whenever Viktor and Yuuri were in the same room together Yuri felt like ripping his hair out, puking, or both.

Or he could take a nap.

Nap it is.

He stretched out on a small couch in the lounge and put his bag underneath his head like a pillow. He plugged his earbuds into his phone and listened to Chopin as he closed his eyes.

* * *

 

On the other side of the building, Viktor found Yuuri coming out of his rehearsal for _Flames of Paris_.

“Hey, babe.” Yuuri said as he hugged Viktor on his way out the door.

 

“You’re all sweaty.” Viktor pretended to be grossed out.

 

“Well, duh. Did you see that rehearsal? Believe me all I want to do right now is take a shower.” Yuri said, wiping his forehead with a towel.

 

“Actually I didn’t, I was teaching.”

 

“Oh that’s right I forgot…” Yuuri trailed off. He pulled his pants on over his tights and tied his shoes.

 

“How’s Yurio doing?” He asked.

 

“Fine, I guess. Although, he seems distracted. I don’t know what it is though” Viktor admitted.

 

“He hasn’t been that different at home.” Yuuri started. “I mean, he spends all his time in his room but it’s not like that’s new.” Yuuri continued as they walked toward the subway.

 

Viktor’s face lit up. “Maybe it’s that new boyfriend of his.” He said, pointing at Yuuri.

 

“Well whatever it is, I checked his grades this morning. He’s getting behind. We need to remind him that it doesn’t matter how much he dances if he can’t keep up with his school work.”

 

They swiped their metrocards and waited on the train platform.

 

“Yeah well, you’re the bad cop so you tell him that.”

 

“Bad cop? How am I the bad cop? I’m the good cop you’re the bad cop.” Yuuri said defensively.

 

“Whatever, you’re the responsible one, you get him to do it.” Viktor shrugs and Yuuri rolls his eyes.

 

When the train arrives, they get on and sit down near the end of the car. Yuuri slumps and rests his head on Viktor’s shoulder.

 

“Tired?” Viktor asks.

 

“Yeah.” Yuuri sighs and then sits up straight. “What time is Yuri done with rehearsal tonight?”

 

“Five thirty I think.” Viktor responds.

 

“I think I’ll make spaghetti. Then we have to get him to do his work somehow.” Yuuri trails off.

* * *

 

Later that night, Viktor’s phone rings. He doesn’t recognize the number on the screen so he doesn’t answer it. His phone rings again roughly thirty seconds later, and Yuuri asks who’s calling him. Viktor just says he doesn’t know and shuts it off. But when the phone rings a third time and displays the same number, Viktor decides to pick up the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Uhm, Viktor? This is Otabek.” Viktor hears through the line.

 

“I think something is wrong.” Viktor hears and starts to panic. He waves his hands at Yuuri to come over to where he’s sitting in the kitchen and puts the phone on speaker. Yuuri rushes over.

 

“What’s wrong, Otabek?” Viktor asks, trying to keep his voice calm. Yuuri’s brow knits together in confusion.

 

“Yuri sort of um, fainted during rehearsal. I mean he’s not unconscious or anything, he’s fine, but he fell. Yakov said I should call you.”

 

“What?” Yuuri exclaimed, taking the phone out of Viktor’s hand. “Can you put him on the phone?”

 

“Yeah, hang on.”

 

Yuuri exchanged a concerned look with Viktor before turning the stove off. When he gets back, he hears Yuri on the phone.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Yurio? It’s Yuuri. What happened? Otabek said you fainted?”

 

He heard Yuri snort. “They’re all being dramatic. It was just a head rush.”

 

“Who? Otabek?”

 

“Yeah. And Yakov and Lillia.”

 

“They saw it too?” Yuuri asks.

 

“Yeah but it’s not that big a deal, don’t freak out about this, pig.”

 

Yuuri bites his lip.

 

“Well, how are you feeling now? Are you nauseous or lightheaded or anything?”

 

“No I’m fine.”

 

“Can you put Otabek back on the phone?”

 

Yuuri heard rustling over the phone line and Viktor mouthed _‘What’s going on?’_  

 

‘ _Not sure’_ Yuuri mouthed back.

 

“Hey.” Otabek came back on the line. “He’s acting like it’s no big deal but I’m a little worried, Yakov made him sit the rest of rehearsal out.”

 

Yuuri sighed. “Thanks for calling us Otabek, you did the right thing. Can you just make sure he gets in a cab?”

 

“Will do.” Otabek responds and Yuuri hangs up.

 

* * *

 

“I don’t need you to bring me home, Beka.” Yuri whined. “Yuuri said all you had to do was put me in a cab.”

 

“I’m worried about you, Yura. That fall was scary.”

 

“Like I said, it was just a head rush. Besides, if you took me home, you’d have to come all the way to brooklyn and then go all the way back to Washington Heights to get home. I don’t want you to have to go that far.”

 

Otabek considered his options. If he brought Yuri home, it was probably going to be at least two hours before he got home himself.

 

“I’ll be in a cab. Not like I can fall over in a cab.”

 

Yuri just really wanted to be alone for at least a little while. He knew full well that the real reason he fell was because he hadn’t eaten, and as dedicated as he was to keeping that secret, he still didn’t like lying to the people he knew cared about him.

 

“Are you sure?” Otabek asked.

 

“Yeah. I promise, I’m fine.”

 

“Okay.” Otabek said reluctantly.

The two went downstairs and Otabek hailed a yellow cab for Yuri. Yuri got into the cab while Otabek gave the driver his address.

“Text me when you get home safe?”

Yuri nodded. Otabek kissed his forehead, shut the door, and the cab drove off.

Yuri rolled the window up and leaned his head against the cool glass.

  
_How long can I keep this up?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glissade: a movement, typically used as a joining step, in which one leg is brushed outward from the body, which then takes the weight while the second leg is brushed in to meet it.
> 
> Brisé: a jump in which the dancer sweeps one leg into the air to the side while jumping off the other, brings both legs together in the air and beats them before landing.
> 
> Sissone: a classical ballet term that describes a dancer jumping from two feet and splitting their legs “like scissors” in the air before landing. It is a very common and popular ballet step, seen in performances and throughout classes of most skill levels.
> 
> Reverence is a French word that refers to paying respect to someone in authority (such as a teacher) by a curtsy or bow. Done at the end of every class.
> 
> Pas/ Pas de deux: In ballet, a pas de deux [pɑ d(ə) dø] (French, literally "step of two") is a dance duet in which two dancers, typically a male and a female, perform ballet steps together.
> 
> Feedback appreciated!
> 
> check me out on tumblr: absent.tumblr.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff! yay!

Viktor yawned and slowly opened his eyes, then he shuts them immediately and makes an attractive grunting sound when he’s blinded by the sunlight filtering through the blinds. He really needed to remember to close them at night, waking up was hard enough for him already. He lazily rolled his head around and opened his eyes again to see that his husband was already awake. Yuuri was lying on his back, staring at the ceiling and fiddling with his wedding ring.

 

“Morning.” Yuuri simply stated, knowing his husband was already awake due to his reaction to unfortunate encounter with the sun.

 

“Good morning, lyubov.” Viktor said as he reached his arm around Yuuri’s shoulder and laid his head on his husband’s chest.

 

Yuuri stopped fiddling with his ring and held the hand that Viktor had grasped his shoulder with. Viktor took this as an invitation to shimmy himself upward and press his lips against Yuuri’s. The kiss was slow, and soft, the way all of their morning kisses were. Viktor pulled back when Yuuri scooted slightly to the side.

 

“You have morning breath.” Yuuri stated, wrinkling his nose.

 

Viktor made a pouty face and kissed Yuuri again quickly on the nose before propping himself up on his elbow.

 

“What’s the matter?” Viktor asked.

 

“What’s the matter with you having morning breath?”

 

“No, smartass. I mean what’s on your mind. I mean you were awake before me, and the fidgety thing. What’s up?”

 

Yuuri sighed and returned his sight back to the ceiling. He pursed his lips as if he were thinking of how to phrase what he was going to say.

 

“I’m worried about Yurio. Like when he got home last night he said he didn’t want to eat anything and that he was just tired and wanted to sleep. Which I get, but I didn’t hear him come out of his room at all during the night.” Yuuri stated, while making gestures with his hands. He often did this when he was worked up in a conversation.

 

“And I know he’s not like dead or anything-”

 

“Well of course he’s not dead.” Viktor interrupted.

 

“I know he’s not dead or something because he posted a picture of Makkachin on his snapchat story an hour ago.” Yuuri continued, trying not to show his irritation at Viktor’s interruption.

 

“He’s just being a moody teenager. It’s normal for him to want to stay in his room all the time at this age.” Viktor reassured.  

 

“And he passed out during rehearsal yesterday! Oh and I didn’t even get to bring up the schoolwork. Has that ever happened before?” Yuuri was rambling.

 

“What, him not doing his work or him fainting?”

 

“The fainting.”

 

“No, not that I know of.”

 

“What if he’s not eating enough? What if something’s wrong? I mean he has no idea who his father is he could have some kind of hereditary medical condition we don’t even know about! Am I worrying too much?”

 

“You always worry too much. Viktor said. “But it’s in good taste.” He then added with a smile.

 

Yuuri huffed and then turned on his side, curling into Viktor. “Hug me and then I’ll go make breakfast?”

 

“How about I kiss you instead?”

 

“How about you go brush your teeth?”

 

* * *

 

 

Yuri awoke again at the sound of knocking on his door. He’d barely slept last night. He picked up his phone to look at the time. Eight o’clock. He’d only been asleep for an hour since the last time he woke up. The knocking continued.

 

“Yurio! Yuuri is making breakfast!” Viktor called. Yuri rolled his eyes in annoyance. It was Sunday. His one day off. He heard the sound of Makkachin’s nails scratching at the door, and then whimpering. She probably smelled the bacon. Yuri untangled himself from his blanket and stood up to let her out. When he opened the door, he was met with Viktor’s face while Makkachin excitedly trotted out of the room.

 

“Go away, old man.” Yuri said and slammed the door. Thankfully, Viktor didn’t try knocking again. Yuri walked over to his dresser and grabbed a pair of fuzzy socks out of his top drawer. He had to balance himself on his desk with one hand while putting them on to keep himself from getting dizzy. He curled himself in his blanket again and shimmied closer to the space heater at the end of his bed. Then he heard the knocking again. He was about to throw something at the door when he heard Yuuri’s voice this time.

 

“Yurio? Do you want something to eat? I made breakfast and you didn’t have anything to eat last night.”

 

Yuri could just ignore him. Unlike Viktor, he knew Yuuri wouldn’t pester him if he didn’t respond. It made him feel a little guilty, but right now he just wanted to go back to sleep.

 

* * *

 

 

Yuri woke up again at two o’clock, finally getting the sleep he’d missed out on the previous night. He sat up slowly but he still felt dizzy. He slumped forward and put his faces into his hands, rubbing his eyes. He sat still for a minute, trying to wait until his head stopped spinning. When he picked his head up again, he glanced out of the window next to his bed. He pulled the elastic out of his head and ran his fingers through his hair a few times before redoing his ponytail.

 

_Ugh. I need to take a shower._

 

_Maybe I should call Grandpa. I haven’t talked to him last week._

 

Yuri pulled up the clock app on his phone. After a little bit of debate, he eventually decided against calling his grandpa. There was a seven hour time difference between New York and Moscow, and he wasn’t sure if his grandpa was sleeping. He stood up and did all his cracks. His neck, knuckles, wrists, ankles, toes, shoulders, back, and hips. Then he wandered toward his door, took a deep breath, and opened it. When he exited his room, he saw that only Yuuri was sitting on the couch in the living room.

 

“Yurio! I was wondering when you’d wake up.”

 

“Where’s Viktor?” Yuri asked, sitting down on the other end of the couch.

 

_Fuck, why did I sit down? Getting up again is going to be an ordeal._

 

“He went to open class with Chris.”

 

“And you didn’t go?” Yuri gave a surprised look.

 

“Well Phichit and I were going to go meet up with them, but I wanted to make sure you were okay. Have you ever fainted before?” Yuri asked, looking concerned.

 

“Oh my god relax. I didn’t fucking faint. I just got dizzy. I’m fine.”

 

Yuuri sighed.

 

“There’s leftover spaghetti from last night in the fridge. Will you please eat something?”

“Yeah, I’ll eat the spaghetti.” He shrugged.

 

Yuuri smiled. Yuri didn’t want to stick around and wait for him to ask any more questions, so he simply stated that he was going to take a shower before heading to the bathroom.

 

“I’ll probably be gone by the time you get out, are you going to be okay?”

 

Yuri was about to spit out his ‘I’m fine’ lie again when he had an idea.

 

“Can I invite Otabek over?”

 

“Sure, I don’t see why not.”

 

Yuri smiled as he shut the bathroom door. If that had been Viktor he probably would’ve said something gross. Even though the pig worried way too damn much, he made Yuri’s life much easier than Viktor did.

When emerged from the shower, Yuuri was gone, as promised, and he had the apartment to himself. He went back to his room in a hurry, because he was freezing in just a towel. Once he got in his room, he shoved on a pair of pale blue sweatpants with the American Ballet School logo on them and looked for a long sleeve shirt. He settled on a black one and then pulled Otabek’s hoodie on over that. Grabbing his phone from where he’d left it on his bed, he sat down on the floor in front of the space heater, trying to warm himself up.

 

 **2:56 PM:** _viktor and yuuri are out, do u wanna come over?_

 

He scrolled through his instagram while he waited for Otabek to reply.

 

 **3:01 PM:** _Yeah sure. Are you okay?_

 

 **3:01 PM:** _im fine. just bored._

 **3:02 PM:** _I’ll hop on the train in 10 minutes._

 

Yuri fought the grin that was spreading on his face and shoved his phone in his pocket.

 

_I should probably find something to eat before Beka gets here. I’ll give him that spaghetti. Then Yuuri will think I ate it and get off my back._

 

He rummaged around in the kitchen and looked for something small to keep himself from passing out. He didn’t want that to happen again, especially with Otabek here. He found a tangerine in the fruit basket that he decided would do.

 

_I have class tomorrow so I’m going to have to eat something in the morning. Probably shouldn’t eat too much tonight._

 

He pulled out one of the stools at the kitchen counter and peeled his tangerine. He chewed the slices slowly and pulled out his phone again to put on some music.

 

_The Shins.. Death Cab for Cutie… No… I don’t want something gloomy… STRFKR… Yeah that sounds good right now._

 

Yuri hummed along nonchalantly to _While I’m Alive_ and stared off into nothing in particular and continued to eat his tangerine slices. He was in a good mood.

 

_It’s going to be a good day. Or, afternoon, whatever._

 

* * *

 

 

“Sorry, I already ate. But there’s leftover spaghetti in the fridge. You want some of that?” Yuri lies when the first thing Otabek asks is “Are you hungry? I’m starving.” Of course.

 

“Sure, Yuuri made it?” Otabek asks.

 

Yuri nodded.

“Sounds great.” Otabek says as he grabs Yuri by the shoulders and pulls him into a warm embrace. Yuri nuzzles his face in the crook of his boyfriend’s neck. Otabek kisses him on the top of his head. He stays there for a moment and inhales.

 

“Your hair smells nice.”

 

“Just got out of the shower.” Yuri mumbled.

 

“And I see you’re wearing my hoodie.”

 

Yuuri can practically feel that shit eating grin he knew Otabek was wearing. It made him smile too.

 

_It’s a good day._

 

“I’ll heat up your food. Go pick a movie?”

 

Otabek kissed his boyfriend’s cheek one more time before going to find a movie.

 

After Otabek had eaten, the two were snuggled up on the couch watching Lord of The Rings. Although, they weren’t really paying much attention to the movie. Yuri was lying on top of Otabek on the couch. Otabek’s fingers slowly combed through Yuri’s soft, silky hair. They were lazily making out when Yuri felt Otabek’s fingers sliding underneath the hoodie. He grabbed his wrists and froze.

 

“What’s wrong, Yura?” Otabek asked gently, sensing his boyfriend’s discomfort.

 

“Sorry I just-” Yuri started “It’s just- I just” Yuri stuttered. Otabek looked him in the eyes, making sure Yuri knew he was patient and to take as much time as he needed.

 

“I’m just tired. I don’t really want to do anything tonight. Can we just take a nap?

“Of course” Otabek said, sitting up and switching their positions, so that now Yuri could lay his head in his lap. Then he grabbed the blanket from the armrest of the couch and draped it over Yuri.

 

“Cold?” Otabek asked.

 

Yuri nodded again. _God, I love him so much._

 

Otabek rubbed his boyfriend’s arms up and down, trying to warm him up.

 

“Sleep, Yura.” Otabek whispered. He then got the remote from the coffee table and muted the TV before dozing off himself.

__

_I'll be good enough for you one day Beka, I promise. I'll be a better dancer and a better performer. I'll be perfect._

 

* * *

 

 

“Oh my god that is the cutest thing ever!” Viktor practically squealed when he and Yuuri got home, seeing the sight that was in their living room.

 

“Don’t wake them up!” Yuuri scolded in a harsh whisper. After dinner with Phichit and Chris, they were both at least a little bit drunk.

 

Viktor pulled out his phone and snapped a picture before giggling and going into the bedroom with his husband.

 

“I am so posting this.” he said, causing both Viktor and Yuuri to laugh even more before falling into bed for the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the kudos! I'm glad people are enjoying it as I am writing much of it based on my own experiences with ballet and eating disorders and I don't want to spoil anything else haha. I have the next chapter outlined and I'm really excited to write it!
> 
> Reference: Open class is basically just a dance class that dancers aren't required to go to but usually do during breaks/ time off to stay in shape.
> 
> and yes, that cracking thing is real. not kidding every morning when I stand up my whooole body cracks lol
> 
> as always: feedback is appreciated and check me out on tumblr: absent.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeyhey buddy u wanna calm down there maybe with the run on sentences,,,, just a thought

“And demi plié, and stretch, grande plié. Good.” Viktor directed the combination over the slow, soft piano music that filled the studio.

 

It was 8am on Thursday morning, and level seven’s class had just started. Yuri made sure to have a some almonds and half of a smoothie to ensure that neither Viktor or Yuuri could pester him about not feeling well or something.

 

After pliés were done, Yuri leaned against the barre while he watched Viktor demonstrate the next combination. It was a combination they actually did often for, so he felt like he didn’t really need to pay that close attention. His eyes wandered to Otabek, who was standing on the other side of the studio. He distracted himself from the class quickly, adoring his boyfriend’s features. His tanned skin, the way his sharpened jaw clenched and unclenched while he was concentrating on a combination, the defined muscles of his forearm when he grasped the barre. 

 

He wondered what it would be like to look as attractive as Otabek. How easy and perfect life must be for someone so stunning. Of course, being in a relationship with someone he considered to be one of the most attractive people was desirable, but sometimes Yuri couldn’t help but look at Otabek and feel some kind of immense wave of self loathing. But that would all be over soon. That was why he was doing what he was doing. 

 

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Viktor touched his fingers underneath Yuri’s chin, correcting his position. After giving the correction, Viktor stepped back and looked Yuri up and down. Yuri knew that Viktor was doing his job and that if a teacher was taking their time to correct you that was a good thing, but at the same time he felt uncomfortable, like he was being stared at. 

 

Class went on for the next hour and a half and Yuri went over in his head everything he had to get done today. Thursdays were his fullest days with technique class in the morning, plus music class, stretch class, rehearsal, and since he had a show coming up, he had a costume fitting at the end of the day. 

 

He was exhausted and overwhelmed. He just wanted to go home and sleep. He wanted some peace and quiet without any staring eyes.

 

* * *

 

Viktor rushed to find Yuuri after he finished teaching class. When he reached the other side of the building, he saw Yuuri and Phichit sitting down in the hallway eating lunch and watching something on Phichit’s phone.  

 

“Hey, are you on break right now?” Viktor asked, crouching down next to Yuuri. 

 

“Yeah, I’ve got like five minutes until my next rehearsal. You’ve gotta see this video, it’s hilarious!” Yuuri laughed, shoving Phichit’s phone into Viktor’s face. 

 

Viktor gave a small smile before he placed his hand on top of Yuuri’s, lowering the phone. 

 

Viktor swallowed. “We need to talk.” He said, looking Yuuri in the eyes. 

 

“I’ll see you in rehearsal later!” Phichit said, stuffing his items in his bag and taking his phone back from Yuuri. He gave the two a wink before getting up and walking away, and Viktor gave him a grateful looking smile.

 

“So, what’s going on?” Yuuri asked, turning his face toward Viktor. 

 

“I just finished teaching Yurio’s class. He’s looking really thin.”

 

Yuuri sighed. “I knew something was wrong. He’s always covered up in so many clothes at home and he barely eats. We should have a talk with him tonight.”

 

Viktor just nodded his head. 

 

“We should’ve said something sooner.” Yuuri continued. 

 

“What can we even do?” Viktor asked, sounding frustrated, running his fingers through his hair, balling them into fists.

 

“What about therapy?”

 

“Come on, we know Yurio will never agree to go.”

 

“It’s a good place to start. I can ask my therapist for recommendations of anyone who works with teenagers.” Yuuri volunteered. 

 

Viktor sighed and gave a single nod before leaning back against the wall, slumping over and resting his head on Yuuri’s shoulder. Sensing that his husband was stressed out, he reached down and intertwined their hands. 

 

“So what was that video about?” Viktor asked after they’d both been silent for a moment. 

 

Yuuri chuckled lightheartedly. “It was this little dog and his tennis ball was on the couch, but he couldn’t reach it.”

 

Viktor smiled and looked up at Yuuri. Of course it was a dog video. 

 

“I have to go into rehearsal now. I’ll show you the video when I get home?”

 

“Yeah.” Viktor responded. Yuuri gave him a quick peck on the lips before getting up and going into the studio. 

 

* * *

 

At the end of the day, Yuri was sitting in an oversplit next to Mila in their stretch class. He was sweating wearing a pair of fleece warmups over his tights and a long sleeved shirt, but he wasn’t going to take them off. Being warm was a good idea during stretch anyway.

 

“So, how’s loverboy?” Mila asked.

 

Yuri rolled his eyes. “Shut up, it’s none of your business.”

 

“Hey come on, I’m just teasing you.” 

 

Just then, Yakov entered the room, telling the teacher he was taking Yuri out of class for his costume fitting. Yuri quickly rolled up his yoga mat and headed out with Yakov. When they got downstairs, he saw Yuuri sitting in the office of the costume department, happily chatting away with the old lady who took everyone’s measurements. 

 

“Hey, Yurio! I stayed a little late today so we could go home together.”

 

_ Great _ .

 

“Is that okay?” Yuuri asked when Yurio didn’t respond.

 

“Yeah. Fine. Whatever.”

 

The old lady stood up from the table and pulled the measuring tape from around her neck. She measured his waist, arm span, height, and so on before writing the numbers down on a clipboard. 

 

Out of pure curiosity and a bit of concern, Yuuri peeked at the numbers on the sheet of paper, trying not to appear alarmed. 

 

“Okay, all set.” She croaked out and Yuri muttered a quick thank you before fishing his jeans out of his bag. He put them on over his tights, and then pulled his sweatshirt and jacket on. 

 

“Ready to go?” Yuuri asked.

 

Yuri just nodded.

The ride home on the subway wasn’t exactly unbearable, but it was uncomfortable. When Yuri asked why Yuuri was taking him home today, Yuuri said that him and Viktor had something they had to talk to him about. He knew he didn’t like the sound of that. He tried to lift his mood by texting his boyfriend.

 

**6:20 PM** :  _ r u still at the studio? _

 

Yuri stared at the screen of his phone for a few seconds and then shut it off, realizing that if Otabek was still at the studio, he might not be able to answer the text. 

 

After a few minutes, the screen lit up with a text from Otabek.

 

**6:27 PM:** _ Yeah, I’m still here. I have to wait until 7 for my fitting.  _

 

**6:27 PM:** _ sry, tht sucks _

 

**6:28 PM:** _ You lucky jerk, you got to leave stretch early for yours.  _

 

Yuri laughed inwardly. He knew flexibility came easiest to him, especially for a boy. He’d always feared that it would wear off someday as he grew older, but it hasn’t yet. 

 

**6:30 PM:** _ viktor and yuuri said they have to talk to me about something when we get home. I don’t know what it is but its gonna suck. _

 

**6:31 PM:** _ How do you know it’s going to suck? It might be something good. Maybe they’re getting married! _

 

**6:32 PM:** _...they’re already married _

 

**6:32 PM:** _ It was a joke _

 

**6:33 PM:** _ funny. _

 

The train pulled up to their station and Yuri shoved his phone in the side pocket of his bag. They exited the train and Yuri trudged up the stairs, dreading what could be coming for him when they got back to the apartment.

 

“I’m going to shower and get changed.” Yuri said, dumping his bag on the floor next to the door. 

 

* * *

 

Yuuri put his keys down on the counter.

 

“Did you tell him we have to talk to him?” Viktor asked.

 

“Yeah, but Viktor, listen, I picked him up from his costume fitting.”

 

Viktor stared at his husband, waiting for him to continue. 

 

“The numbers were too low, way too low.” Yuuri said, shaking his head.

 

Viktor sighed. “Well it’s settled. We’re doing something about this, whether he wants to or not. We have to.” Viktor insisted. 

 

“Of course, I agree with you one hundred percent. But this might get ugly. Actually, knowing Yurio, it  _ will  _ get ugly. I don’t want you to get too frustrated.”

 

“Yeah, I know, I know.”

 

Yuuri showed Viktor the dog video, the two of them waiting patiently for Yurio to emerge from the shower. When he did come out, the two were sat at the dinner table. Yurio was already dressed and drying his hair. 

 

“Can you sit down, Yurio?” Viktor started. “We need to talk.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter is a little short but i'm almost done with the next one so it will be up soon! (tmrw probably but maybe tonight!)
> 
> Demi-plie: a movement done in any of the five positions, in which the dancer bends the knees halfway, keeping the heels securely on the ground.
> 
> feedback appreciated :)
> 
> absent.tumblr.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of the chapters I was really excited to write, so I hope you enjoy!

Yuri sat down in his chair at the kitchen table and pulled his knees up against his chest. 

 

“So what is this all about?” He asked, a bitter tone to his voice.

 

“Yurio, you’re getting really thin.” Viktor said bluntly. 

 

“Yeah? So?” Yuri scoffed. “I’m a dancer, I’m supposed to be thin.”

 

“Not this thin.” Yuuri said, jumping into the conversation. 

 

Yuri looked back and forth between Viktor and Yuuri. 

 

“We’re really concerned with some of your behavior lately.” Yuuri continued. “You’re always making excuses for why you don’t want to eat, and this is really dangerous.”

 

Yuri didn’t say anything. His face felt hot, a mixture of both embarrassment and anger.

 

“Viktor and I were thinking that maybe you’d like to talk to someone. You know, other than us.” Yuuri added. 

 

Yuri bit the inside of his cheek. For some reason, this what made Yuri snap. The accusation, the demeaning way Yuuri was talking to him, the way Viktor was staring at him the same as this morning. 

 

“What? You mean like a shrink?” Yuri snapped. 

 

“Like a therapist, yes.” Yuuri stated calmly. Viktor was amazed at how good his fiance was at this. If he hadn’t been there, this would’ve turned out to be an all out screaming match by now.

 

“No way.” He scoffed again. Yuri was still avoiding eye contact with either one of them. 

 

_ You don’t understand! You don’t have to understand! _

 

_ I have to be perfect.  _

 

_ I have to be! _

 

_ Just shut up. Shut up, shut up, shut up! _

 

**“** Yurio, this isn’t forever, it could just be a temporary thing until you’re better again.” Viktor said.

 

“I DON’T NEED TO ‘GET BETTER’ I’M NOT SICK!” Yuri erupted with anger. 

 

“Yurio! Listen to us!” Viktor yelled, standing up from his place at the table.

 

“I’m not sick.” Yuri said, looking down. 

 

Viktor sat back down. “Why do you think you’re so cold all the time? You’ve got that space heater in your room it's like a hundred degrees in there! You  _ fainted _ during a rehearsal!” Viktor listed. 

 

Yuri still refused to make eye contact. 

 

“Yurio, Yuuri and myself are responsible for you while you’re living with us. If you’re showing us signs of an eating disorder then -”

 

“Oh so now you’re saying I have an eating disorder?!” Yuri felt like his blood was boiling. “You can’t diagnose me of having an eating disorder! You’re not fucking doctors!” Yuri yelled.

 

“I didn’t say you had an eating disorder, I said you were showing signs of one. And you need help!”

 

“I DON’T NEED YOUR FUCKING HELP! I’M FINE!” Yuri was so angry. 

 

_ I hate you both so much right now. _

 

Viktor sighed, putting his head in his hands, visibly frustrated. 

 

“Yurio, it’s okay to need help sometimes. Everyone has things they’re going through.” Yuuri attempted to be encouraging. 

 

Yuri still wasn’t making eye contact with either of them.

 

“Can you just look at us and tell us what’s going on? Please?” Yuuri pleaded, reaching forward to touch Yuri’s arm, but Yuri flinched away as if he’d touched a hot stove.

 

_ It's just a fucking diet for fuck’s sake why are they being so fucking annoying?! _

 

“Yurio..” Yuri heard Yuuri’s gentle voice speaking to him again. But Yuri wasn’t going to talk about it anymore. He’d already decided this conversation - this stupid fucking conversation was over. He didn’t want to hear anymore of it. He stood up from his chair and stomped over to his room. 

 

“FUCK YOU!” He yelled before slamming the door shut. 

 

-

 

Viktor was tugging on his hair again. 

 

“He’s impossible! It’s like there's nothing we can do! He’ll never listen to us!” Victor was saying harshly while trying to keep his voice at a whisper.  

 

“Well, I told you it probably wasn’t going to go well.” Yuuri sighed. 

 

“Yeah, I know you told me.” Viktor snapped. 

 

“Honey, I didn’t mean it that way.”

 

“I know, I’m sorry. It’s just- I have no idea how to deal with this.” Viktor said, now rubbing his eyes. 

 

“For tonight we should just leave it. It’s a lot to force all this on him at once. Just let him get used to the idea of getting help.”

 

“But I’m just so scared for him!” Viktor said in a shaky voice, looking like he was on the verge of tears. 

 

“Me too. I’m scared too. But you know what? He’s going to get through this. He’s the strongest, most determined kid I’ve ever met. And on top of that, he’s got us.” Yuuri said with a small smile, wrapping his arms around his husband. 

-

 

Yuri left for class early the next morning. He only briefly saw Yuuri on his way out the door. He was going to talk to them, he just needed some space first. That was a reasonable thing to ask for, right?

 

Thankfully, Lillia taught his class on Friday mornings, so he wasn’t going to have to see Viktor until he got home tonight. 

 

He had lunch with Otabek as usual, and briefly considered telling him about what had happened the night before, but ultimately decided against it. Otabek defending Yuuri and Viktor’s opinions was a very real possibility, and he just didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Otabek had also told him he’d be going back to Kazakhstan for their break after the show next week, and Yuri had to pretend he was excited for him. Not a good time to bring up the idea of his guardians trying to diagnose him with an eating disorder and make him go to therapy. 

 

Yuri  _ was _ excited for Otabek to go home, but if he was being honest, Yuri was jealous. Otabek was going home to his family who were all proud and excited to see him. Yuri had Viktor and Yuuri, but other than that, his family consisted of a father he’d never met, a mother who was in and out of his life whenever she chose, and a grandfather who he loved with all his heart, but could only remember who he was half the time. 

 

Whenever he thought of his grandfather, he saw him in that  _ ugly, _ industrial looking nursing home, with the  _ ugly _ fluorescent lights and the  _ ugly  _ furniture. He thought about how he was stuck there, that  _ ugly  _ place was where he had to live the short time of his life that he had left.  _ Ugly  _ was what he thought of when he thought about his family. That was what he thought of when he thought about himself. 

 

When Yuri got home that afternoon, Viktor and Yuuri were both in the kitchen, right where he’d expected them to be. Viktor was sitting at the counter flipping through pages of a magazine and Yuuri was making dinner. The smell of whatever he was making made Yuri’s stomach turn. 

 

“Can we talk?” Yuri blurted out, surprising both Viktor and Yuuri. 

 

“Ya know, about last night.” He continued.

 

“Of course, Yurio. Can you help me put some plates out? The food is ready.” Yuuri said, cheerfully. It was too cheerful and it made Yuri annoyed. Last night’s conversation wasn’t a fun one and this one wasn’t going to be either. 

 

Yuri got three plates out of the cupboard and put them down on the table before sitting in his seat and waiting for the other two to join him. Once they did, Viktor served everyone salad and sat down to join them. 

 

“So I’m sorry I freaked out last night.” Yuri said, biting the inside of his cheek. 

 

Viktor and Yuuri were both looking at him but neither of them were saying anything, making Yuri think they wanted an explanation or something. 

 

“I really don’t think I need to see a therapist. It’s not that big a deal, I was just trying to be healthier with what I was eating and it got a bit out of control. It won’t happen again.” Yuri said as he picked up his fork, and then dramatically stabbed a piece of lettuce and put it in his mouth, chewing slowly. 

 

Yuri heard nothing but the sound of his own chewing, and glanced up again. This time, Yuuri opened his mouth. 

 

“Yurio, do you remember what you said last night? About how we can’t diagnose you with an eating disorder because we aren’t doctors?” 

 

Yuri nodded his head. 

 

“You’re right about that. It’s true, we aren’t doctors. We can’t diagnose anything about your health. But we are your guardians, and we wouldn’t be doing our job right if we turned away when we saw you suffering.”

 

Yuri looked back down at his plate, which was about half cleared. He already felt like he’d eaten too much. He reached for his glass of water and gulped it down. 

 

“No one has to know, Yurio.” Viktor said, opening his mouth for the first time in the conversation. “That you go to a therapist.” He added.

 

“Please just try it.” Yuuri begged. 

 

_ They’re really not letting up on this, are they? _

 

_ Would it really hurt if I went to just one session? Then I could say that I tried it and it just wasn’t for me. Then they can’t pester me about it anymore.  _

 

“It’s only temporary, you won’t have to go forever. We can wait until after next week’s show.” Viktor said. 

 

Hearing those words was the last confirmation he needed. This plan would work.

 

Yuri folded his arms. 

 

“Fine. I’ll go to the therapist.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the encouragement, it really means a lot!
> 
> as always, feedback appreciated :)
> 
> absent.tumblr.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so sooooooo sorry for the delay with this one. I had a bit of trouble but I've got the next few chapters outlined so I should start posting regularly again.

Two days after the school’s mid-year performance, Viktor and Yuuri brought Yurio to see a therapist. When they returned home from the appointment, the inevitable Viktor versus Yurio screaming match finally happened. Yuuri tried his best to diffuse the situation, but he soon realized he’d have to let it happen when they started shouting in Russian. They were speaking much too quickly, and in words he couldn’t understand. Yuuri didn’t want to pick either of their sides. He understood Yurio’s aversion to the idea of therapy at the moment. But he knew that Yurio needed this help right now, and Viktor wasn’t exactly being persuasive. 

 

The meeting with the therapist had been split up into two parts. For the first half, the therapist spoke alone with both Viktor and Yuuri. She asked them questions, mostly things about Yurio’s personality, his past, and his recent behaviors. Viktor told her that Yurio was born in Russia. His  mother had left him, and that he didn’t know who his father was. Yurio’s maternal grandfather lived in Russia, but that Nikolai was not capable of caring for him. Viktor explained that he was Yurio’s legal guardian and that he lived with him and his husband Yuuri. 

When asked about his personality, the two explained his sheer devotion to dancing and his career. He was a perfectionist, and incredibly talented. He tries to act arrogant and smug, and while he appears to have complete confidence, he is never truly satisfied with himself. He acted bitter and angry most of the time, but Yuuri stresses that it’s just a front. He’s a good kid, they tell her. He’s determined and strong, he’s hardworking and devoted. They explained his recent behaviors and told the therapist about his general irritability, but what they were more worried about were his new habits around food. He frequently made excuses not to eat, and when he did eat, he didn’t eat too much. He covered himself up with clothing and that he gets cold easily. Finally, they explained his fainting incident. They hadn’t been sure at the time that Yurio could have fallen because he was purposefully restricting food, but now they were. 

 

During Yurio’s part of the session, he refused to say a word. Which is how the current argument started. 

 

Yurio slammed his bedroom door. Viktor had begun to follow him when Yuuri interjected again. 

 

“Viktor, stop!” Yuuri hissed. 

 

Viktor turned around and stared at his husband. Yuuri could see the frustration and even panic in Viktor’s eyes. Yuuri knew Viktor didn’t mean any harm. That he was just terrified and didn’t know what to do. 

 

“You both need to calm down. Don’t start yelling again, not right now.” Yuuri warned. 

 

Viktor’s shoulders sagged. He walked to the kitchen counter and sat down, rubbing his face with his left hand. 

 

“Why is he doing this? I’m trying to help him but he won't let me! I’m scared and I have no idea what to do! Why is he trying to be so difficult?”

Yuuri sighed and placed a hand on Viktor’s thigh, just above the knee, trying to comfort his husband, because he knew he wasn’t going to like what he was going to say next. 

 

“Because he is scared too.” Yuuri said, calmly and quietly. 

 

Viktor’s only response was putting his face back into his hands again. A few moments passed before either of them spoke again. 

 

“I feel like I’ve failed him.” Viktor said, looking up and breaking the silence. 

 

“No love, you haven’t failed him.” Yuuri said, standing up from his seat and wrapped his arms around Viktor, cradling the back of his head against his chest. 

 

“I know it’s hard. I know we’re all scared. But you are doing everything you can.” Yuuri assured, stroking Viktor’s silver hair. He felt Viktor nod slightly in acknowledgment. 

 

“Ultimately, this has to be his choice. He won’t get better if he doesn’t want to.” Yuuri continued.   

 

Viktor let out a shaky breath. He slinked his arm around Yuuri’s lower back and pulled him closer. 

 

“I don’t know what I would do without you.” Viktor stated. 

 

“I’m sure you’d be alright.” 

 

Viktor shifted upward to look Yuuri straight in the eye. 

 

“Really. I couldn’t do it without you.”

 

Yuuri smiled sadly before pulling Viktor back into the embrace.

 

* * *

 

The first day back from break, Yuri didn’t speak to Otabek during technique class. They’d spoken over the break through text messages and phone calls, but right now in person, Yuri felt like he just didn’t know what to say. He still hadn’t told Otabek a thing about what he was now calling  _ ‘his problem’ _ , and he had no idea how to go about doing that. Or if he even should for that matter.

 

After technique class, the two went to their respective Pas de deux classes. Yuri decided he’d find Otabek afterwards. After annoying his boyfriend for an hour and a half he was starting to feel really guilty. 

 

Once the dreaded Pas class was over, Yuri looked for Otabek. Surprisingly, he was nowhere to be found. He looked at his phone for a text message. Maybe Otabek texted him saying where he would be, but he didn’t see anything. He checked their usual lunch spot, the pilates studio, and even Yakov’s office, but he couldn’t find his boyfriend anywhere. He had one last place to check. He didn’t usually do so at lunch, but maybe Otabek had gone up to the roof for a cigarette. Yuri hated the fact that Otabek smoked. It was a disgusting habit, especially for a dancer. He didn’t ever really say anything to him about it, but the smell made him nauseous. 

 

Yuri trudged up the stairs slowly, stopping after the third flight to catch his breath. Once he reached the roof and swung the door open, he saw that Otabek was just where Yuri thought he’d be. Sitting against the wall reading a book, an awkwardly placed cigarette balanced between his lips. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Yuri said as he approached his boyfriend. 

 

Otabek looked up, dog-earing the page in his book before shutting it and placing it on the floor next to him. 

 

“Hey, you.” Otabek teased. Yuri took this as an invitation to sit down next to him. 

 

“I’m sorry. Sorry I’ve been ignoring you.” Yuri said, looking down at his feet. 

 

Otabek sighed and snaked his arm around his boyfriend’s lower back. Yuri rested his head on his shoulder as Otabek pulled him closer. 

 

“What’s going on with you, Yura?” Otabek asked quitetly. 

 

Yuri closed his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek. 

 

_ I don’t want to tell him. I really, really don’t want to. _

 

_ But what else can I do? It’s not like I can expect him not to ditch me if I can’t even talk to him. _

 

_ But he might ditch me anyway if he finds out the truth. _

 

_ Well here goes nothing I guess.  _

 

Yuri sucked in a deep breath. 

 

“Viktor and Yuuri want me to go to this shrink.” 

 

“And you don’t want to go, I’m assuming?” Otabek asked, turning his head, giving Yuri his full attention. 

 

“Well actually, I already went.” Yuri admitted. 

 

“Is there a  _ ‘but’ _ coming?” Otabek asked.

 

“I went but I kinda just didn’t really want to talk. When we got home, Viktor and I got into this big fight about how I wasn’t being cooperative or whatever.”

 

“I’m assuming again, but is this about your eating habits, isn’t it.”

 

Yuri felt himself freeze up. “What do you mean? Did Viktor say something to you?” Yuri asked, biting his lip.

 

“No. Viktor didn’t say anything. I’ve been wondering for awhile now.” Otabek said, stroking Yuri’s arm. 

“How did you know?” Yuri asked, his voice cracking.

 

“Giving me your lunch everyday, all the layers of clothes. You don’t let me touch you like you used to.” Otabek made sure not to say anything about Yuri’s weight or his appearance, knowing it was probably a sensitive spot right now.

 

He was grateful Otabek stopped there. He knew him so well. 

 

He felt his eyes stinging, so he shoved himself forward into Otabek’s chest, not wanting to be seen crying. Otabek just wrapped both of his arms around him and held him tight. 

 

“I’m so sorry, Beka!” Yuri managed, cries muffled by his boyfriend’s shirt. 

 

“No, Yura. I’m sorry.” Otabek said, swaying them gently, back and forth. 

 

“What? What are you sorry for?” Yuri said, voice still muffled. 

 

“I knew you needed me, but I didn’t know how to help you.” He admitted, regretfully. 

 

“I don’t need help. I don’t need help.” Yuri repeated, voice strained from his cries. 

 

Otabek cradled the back of Yuri’s head. “It’s going to be okay. I promise.” Otabek said quietly, resting his lips on the top of Yuri’s head. Yuri only cried harder. 

 

The two sat in silence while Yuri cried. Otabek continued to hold him close and whisper  _ ‘I love yous’  _ and other words of encouragement. 

 

“Will you sing to me?” Yuri asked, voice small, once he’d been able to calm down a bit. 

 

“Of course.”

 

Yuri relaxed a bit. Otabek bit his lip thinking of what to sing. Yuri waited patiently, relaxed against Otabek’s chest when he heard his boyfriend’s deep, raspy voice start to sing. He was feeling better almost instantly. 

 

_ “ _ _ Stars shining bright above you _

_ Night breezes seem to whisper ‘I love you’ _

_ Birds singing in the sycamore trees _

_ Dream a little dream of me.” _

 

Yuri let himself melt as Otabek swayed them again. 

 

_ “Say nighty-night and kiss me _

_ Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me _

_ While I'm alone and blue as can be _

_ Dream a little dream of me” _

 

Yuri listened to his voice and felt like he was falling deeper and deeper in love. He felt so comforted by his boyfriend’s voice. It was almost like a lullaby, a lullaby he’d never truly had the experience of. 

 

_ “Stars fading but I linger on dear _

_ Still craving your kiss _

_ I'm longing to linger till dawn dear _

_ Just saying this” _

 

Yuri truly loved Otabek’s singing. The world felt small and safe. 

 

_ “Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you _

_ Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you _

_ But in your dreams whatever they be _

_ Dream a little dream of me” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww Beka, I know he's a DJ but I've always headcanoned that he has a good voice. 
> 
> And then we have Yurio, who's starting to realize he might need help........
> 
> as always,feedback appreciated and check me out on tumblr! 
> 
> absent.tumblr.com


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this chapter is a litte longer than the others, we're getting into some of the heavier stuff now.

Yurio’s room is never clean. There’s clothes all over the floor, empty glasses and water bottles strewn across windowsills and desks. He tries to keep his room clean, he really does, but somehow it feels like no matter what he does, it just gets messy again. It stresses him out. Sometimes he lays in bed and stares at the mess, just to turn over and shut his eyes, in some kind of attempt to shut out the rest of the world. Pretend it doesn’t exist. 

 

Yuuri, on the other hand; was a clean freak, and the rest of the apartment would practically shine. There was no mess, no disorganization. Yuuri felt at his best when everything was in it’s right place. So Yuuri didn’t usually clean Yurio’s room in the way he cleaned the rest of the house. This was for two reasons; the first being that cleaning Yurio’s room would be an all-day procedure, and the second being that he felt it was an invasion of privacy. But he knows how much Yurio struggles to keep it clean, so every once in awhile when the room gets really bad, and it takes Yurio ten minutes to find something he’s looking for, Yuuri will help out.

 

Which is how he ended up spending his Sunday cleaning his room. Yurio was going to spend the day with Otabek, so he had plenty of time to surprise him with a clean room when he got home.

 

Just by opening the door, Yuuri already knows he’s in for a daunting task. Laundry, both washed and unwashed, was piled up on his desk. Yuuri had no way of knowing what was clean and what wasn’t, so he decided just to wash everything. He began by separating the piles. He made one pile of Yurio’s normal clothes; jeans, t-shirts, socks, and another pile for his dance clothes; tights, dance belts, warmups, most of which had to be hand-washed. 

 

He started by hand-washing all of the tights and hanging them up in the bathroom to dry. After he was done with the more tedious work of hand washing dance belts, he threw all of Yurio’s normal clothes in the washing machine. While waiting for the load of laundry to be finished, Yuuri busied himself by collecting and recycling all of the empty water bottles, as well as throwing out any trash. After he put the cups and glasses in the dishwasher, he decided it would probably be a good idea to change the sheets as well. After grabbing some clean sheets from the hallway closet, he began to strip the bed. He pulled the comforter up and in the process of doing so found a heating pad at the end of the bed. The heating pad that had been missing for weeks.

 

“Hey Vitya!” Yuuri called for his husband.

 

“What, babe?” Viktor responded. 

 

“Come here for a second please.” 

 

Yuuri hears Viktor’s footsteps approaching. 

 

Yuuri picked up the heating pad and bunched the soft fabric up with his hand. He sat down at the edge of the bed and looked back and forth between the space heater, and the heating pad in his hand. He felt himself wash over with sadness, the feeling of productivity he usually got from totally cleaning gone. 

 

“What’s up?” Viktor asks as he appears in the door frame.

“Found it.” Yuuri says simply, in a monotone voice.

 

He reaches his hand holding the pad backward. He feels the weight disappear as Viktor takes it out of his hand and sits down next to him on the bed. Viktor glances around the room. 

 

“Huh. You’ve really gotten a lot done in here. The place was a mess.” Viktor says, adding a slight chuckle at the end of his sentence. 

 

Yuuri smiled sadly, prompting Viktor to ask what was wrong. 

 

“I think it’s time to have another talk with Yurio.” Yuuri says.

 

“Been thinking that for a while. What changed your mind?” Viktor asks. 

 

“He’s got the space heater. But he’s still using the heating pad to warm himself up. It’s out of control” Yuuri states.

 

“Yeah. It is out of control. Been pretty fucked up for a long time. But we’re just givin’ him his space because that’s what’s going to fix it all.” Viktor says, bitterly. 

 

Yuuri sighs. “I was hoping that this could be his choice. But maybe he just can’t make that choice right now. Either way, he has to get well.”

 

Viktor stands up from the bed and reaches for Yurio’s dance bag under the desk. He pulls a small blue notebook out of the side pocket. 

 

“What are you doing?” Yuuri asks, clearly confused. 

 

Viktor returns to his seat on the bed, blue notebook in hand. 

 

“Do you know what this is, Yuuri?”

 

“No. Why do you ask?”

 

“Been seeing it with him a lot lately.”

 

“It’s probably just his rehearsal notes.” Yuuri offers, not really understanding why Viktor seemed so intrigued by a little notebook.

 

“No, his class notebook is different. It’s that black one they give the students.” Viktor says, but his brain is already jumping to the worst possible conclusion. 

 

“Maybe it’s a journal.” Yuuri shrugs.

 

Viktor looks back at the notebook. 

 

“Viktor, don’t you dare open that and read it. We don’t know what it is, but if it is a journal, that’s private. It would be a total invasion of privacy.” Yuuri warns. 

“Yeah. You’re right.” Viktor says, getting up and placing the notebook back in the bad where he found it.

* * *

 

“That was a stupid movie.” Yuri says as he and his boyfriend exit the movie theater. 

 

“Yeah… It wasn’t great.” Otabek agrees.

 

The two had decided that Yurio should just get out of the house, do something other than dance. Otabek was just trying to get Yuri to have a little more fun. They ended up seeing Power Rangers, because the other movies had been sold out. It wasn’t all too bad. They sat in the back and cuddled. Laughed when the movie was stupid. Otabek figures it’s better than Yuri laying in bed all day. 

 

“So what should we do next, love?” Otabek asks. 

 

Yuri just shrugs. 

 

“How about the botanical gardens? It’s a beautiful day out. I even brought a blanket.” Otabek suggests. 

 

“You had this all planned out, didn’t you?” Yuri asks.

 

Otabek smiles and nods his head. 

 

“You’re such a cheese!” Yuri laughs a little and even blushes.

 

“So, what do you say, wanna go to the gardens with me?” Otabek asks again. 

 

Yuri smiles “Hmmm… I’ll have to think about it. Maybe if you give me a kiss?” Yuri flirted. 

 

Otabek chuckled and leaned down slightly to press his lips against his boyfriend’s mouth. 

 

“I’ll always want to kiss you, Yura.” Otabek mumbled, making Yuri blush again. 

Otabek straightened himself up again and interlaced their hands as they started to walk toward the gardens. 

 

“Maybe we can go to the Brooklyn Museum too? It’s right by the gardens. We wouldn’t even have to walk too much.” Otabek suggested. 

 

“Don’t push it.” Yuri replied almost immediately. Otabek laughed. He knew it was a stretch. 

 

Once inside the gardens, they walked toward the lawn and ended up settling down under the shade of a giant Elm tree. They were situated on the blanket with Otabek laying on his back, and Yuri with his head resting on his boyfriend’s chest. Yuri had one hand carelessly strewn across the older boy’s body, which Otabek had taken hold of and was now lightly stroking the blond boy’s tiny wrist with his thumb. 

 

“This is actually really nice. Thanks for taking me out, Beka.” Yuri said. He really was enjoying the day. The weather was warm, with a slight breeze in the air  Aside from some kids playing all the way on the other side of the lawn, the whole experience was quite peaceful. 

 

“Of course, Yura. Good to get you out of the house every once in awhile.” Otabek said, letting go of Yuri’s wrist and wrapping both arms around him, squeezing him into a tight hug. Yuri smiled into Otabek’s shirt when he kissed the top of his head. 

 

The two rested like that for a bit, neither of them saying anything. In the silence, Otabek felt himself distracted by his thoughts. Yuri was so tiny. He felt like if he ever let go he might just fade away, but if he held on too tight, he would crumble. The night of their conversation on the roof, Otabek went home and stayed up into the late hours of the night, googling and researching, looking for any information he could possibly find about eating disorders. He felt he had to educate himself, because he knew almost next to nothing on the subject and he’d be damned if Yuri was going to go through this alone. But everything he found only scared him more. The first thing he realised, was that it could be much harder for Yuri to get help, simply because he’s male. He found a study that said male anorexia in adolescents was only diagnosed at about 2.6%. Maybe it was his surrounding of girls growing up in a ballet school where everyone was just thin anyway, but Otabek thought that statistic had to be bullshit. Many treatment centers were also female only, limiting Yuri’s options if he ever needed that severe level of treatment. Otabek hoped that day would never come. He found more health consequences than he could count on his hands, kidney failure, abnormal heart rates, hair loss. Reduction of bone density was another scary one. Yuri being a dancer with such fragile bones meant he was even more susceptible to breaking a bone. Otabek wasn’t usually the type to let his fears run off with him, but he’d never met someone he cared for as deeply as Yuri. He didn’t know what he’d do if something ever were to happen to him. He wanted to try to help warm Yuri up to the idea of therapy again, but he wasn’t sure now was the right time. He didn’t want to ruin their day, but he figures he might be safer bringing it up while Yuri was in a good mood. He knew he couldn’t get Yuri to go out to dinner or anything, so he packed some dried fruit in his backpack. It wasn’t much, but if he could get Yuri to eat  _ something _ today he’d feel better. Even if it was only a little. 

 

Otabek shifted the two so that they were sitting up, and then began to rustle through his green backpack to find the fruit. Yuri wouldn’t make eye contact with him when he offered it, but still agreed to have some. Otabek handed him the plastic bag, and Yuri took a small bite of the dried peach. He chewed slowly. Otabek swallowed his fear and decided that now was as good a time as any. 

 

“So,” He started, gently. “Have you thought anymore about trying therapy again?” Otabek asked, biting his lip. Yuri looked up, but his eyes quickly darted back down to the grass. 

 

“No. I haven’t. What? Did Viktor say something to you?” Yuri asked, suddenly sounding much more bitter than before. Otabek’s heart sank at the feeling that he may have ruined their day, but as uncomfortable as it was, they had to have this conversation. 

 

“Viktor didn’t say anything. I’m just worried for you.” Otabek admitted. 

 

Yuri’s shoulders sagged, and he continued to look at the ground. He didn’t pick up another piece of fruit, and he didn’t say anything either. 

 

Otabek sighed. “Yura…” He started, only to be cut off. 

 

“Stop staring at me, okay!” Yuri snapped. “You don’t have to watch me eat.”

 

Otabek sensed Yuri’s discomfort and laid back on the ground, staring up at the branches. He tried to bring up other things for conversation, which ended up being much less awkward for the both of them. Yuri felt more comfortable not being stared at, and the two talked about lighter topics until the sun started to go down and they packed up and left. 

 

* * *

 

Otabek dropped Yuri off at his building before getting on the train to head home himself. 

 

Yuri opened the apartment door to see Viktor, sitting on the couch alone watching TV and eating a bowl of ice cream. 

 

“Yurio!” Viktor exclaimed cheerfully as he entered the living room. “How was your date?” He asked. 

 

“Shut up.” Yuri groaned as he plopped down on the other side of the couch.

 

“The pig is performing tonight?” 

 

Viktor hummed and nodded his head. As a principal member of the company, Yuuri performed five nights a week. Viktor and Yurio don’t attend every performance. Usually just opening and closing night. 

 

“Yuuri cleaned your room for you this morning though. Did all your laundry too. You should thank him when he gets home.” Viktor says. 

 

“That was nice of him.” Yuri mumbled, putting his feel up on the coffee table and fidgeting with the drawstring of Otabek’s hoodie.

 

Viktor just nodded and ate another spoonful of ice cream.

 

“What did you say to Beka?” Yuri asked suddenly. 

 

“What do you mean?” Viktor asked. 

 

“Don’t play dumb, you old fart. He asked me to think about going to therapy again today.”

 

“Well, I haven’t said anything about that matter to Otabek but it seems he’s just worried. We’re all worried about you, Yuri.”

 

Yuri looked down again. “There’s no reason for you to worry.” He spat before attempting to stand up from the couch. But as he stood up, he felt that familiar fuzzy feeling in his head. His vision went blurry, and before he knew it, everything was black. 

 

He heard a muffled clanking sound - the spoon and the ice cream bowl, he supposes. And when he opens his eyes he sees Viktor hovering over him, eyes wide and panicked. He must have been speaking, his mouth was moving, but Yuri couldn’t make out what he was saying. He felt Viktor’s arms underneath him and realized he was being carried back to the couch. Viktor propped his head up with a pillow and cupped his cheek with his hand.

 

“Yurio, can you hear me?” Viktor asked, voice shaking a little bit.

 

Although everything still sounded muffled, he could make out Viktor’s words now. He nodded.

 

“Yurio tell me what’s going on! Do I need to take you to a hospital?” Viktor choked out. His hands were shaking. 

 

“No, dumbass. It was just a headrush.” Yuri groaned.

 

Viktor looked baffled, like he was at a loss for words. “Just a headrush? No! Don’t you dare use that excuse again because you seem to get a lot of those lately!” Viktor said, sternly. 

 

“Just shut up.” Yuri groaned again and rolled over on the couch so that his back faced the older man. 

“No! No Yuri! I am not going to shut up!” Viktor said, starting to raise is voice. Yuri didn’t respond, attempting to ignore him. 

 

Yuri heard Viktor take a deep breath. “What’s in the blue notebook?” Viktor asked, volume of his voice returning to normal. 

 

Yuri turned around again. “What are you talking about?”

 

“When Yuuri was cleaning your room we found a blue notebook -”

 

“Did you read it?” Yuri snapped.

 

“No. I didn’t read it.” 

 

“Did the pig read it?” Viktor could tell Yuri looked panicked. That look only confirmed Viktor’s fear. 

 

“No.  _ Yuuri  _ didn't read it either. Viktor said, making sure he emphasized his husband’s real name instead of ‘pig’. 

 

Yuri seem to calm down a bit. “Just don’t worry about it okay?” Yuri said.

 

“Of course I’m going to worry about it! Are you kidding me? Yuri, for God’s sake, I care about you! I love you! And Yuuri and Otabek do too! We can’t just let you suffer like this!” Viktor was crying now. 

 

“Look at yourself! You’re so exhausted, you can’t even stand, you have a space heater on in your room 24/7 in the middle of spring and if that’s not enough you’ve got a heating pad too! You must be freezing!” Viktor rambled on, voice occasionally shaken because of the crying. 

 

“You haven’t eaten with us in weeks, and my gut is telling me you’ve been writing down your weights for god knows how long! I know all about this Yurio. You think I didn’t see this all around me when I was your age? I know all these little tricks!”

 

“Please, let us help you!” Viktor cried. 

 

“I don’t need help.” Yuri said simply and rolled over on the couch, back facing Viktor once again. 

 

Yuri heard another deep breath, Viktor probably trying to stop himself from crying. 

“We’ve been trying not to push you because we want you to feel like you have a say in your life but at this point I have to put my foot down. If you won’t agree to let me take you to a hospital I’m pulling you out of school.” Yuri’s head snaps back around so fast it makes his head spin again. 

 

“You can’t do that.” Yuri practically growlled.

 

“Yes I can. I’ll call Yakov and Lillia if I have to.”

  
Yuri felt himself seething. He felt so angry and trapped. He just wanted to go to sleep.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry to leave you with that cliffhanger :( I'll have the next chapter up as soon as I can.<3
> 
> as always, feedback appreciated and check me out on tumblr!
> 
> absent.tumblr.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow can you believe I actually updated this in under like 5 weeks?  
> me neither

Yuri Plisetsky hated hospitals. He hated the way they looked, they way they smelled, and the way it was always somehow too cold. Aside from visiting his grandfather, Yuri only ever actually had to go to a hospital himself once; when he’d gotten his tonsils removed at the age of six. And that was nowhere near as bad because he wasn’t there against his will, he wasn’t pissed off beyond his own comprehension, and he wasn’t sitting in the ER at ten o’clock on a Sunday night with Viktor watching his every move. 

 

He’d been placed in a small, fluorescent-lit room with a bed and a chair in the corner. Viktor was sitting in the corner while Yuri was sitting on the bed with his back against the wall and his knees hugged close to his chest. He refused to look up, knowing that if he did, Viktor would be staring right back at him. 

 

_ This is too embarrassing. I hate Viktor. I just want Yuuri to get here already.  _

 

After Viktor had shoved Yuri into a cab and the two had gone back into the emergency room, Viktor excused himself briefly to leave Yuuri a voicemail letting him know what happened. Neither of them were allowed to bring their phones back since it was the psychiatric ER, and Yuri had to change out of his clothes into the ones the hospital provided. They were way too big, he had to roll the cuffs of the pants a few times just so they wouldn’t drag on the floor when he walked. 

 

He was lazily picking at the blue fabric when someone knocked on the door. 

 

“Hello, Yuri. My name is Dr. Moore.”

 

_ Oh, great. _

 

“And are you Viktor?” Dr. Moore asked, reaching her hand out. 

 

“Yes, thank you for seeing us.” Viktor shook her hand. 

 

“I’d actually like to speak with Yuri alone, if that’s alright?” Dr. Moore asked. Her voice was peppy and upbeat, not what you’d expect from someone working at a hospital on a Sunday night.

 

“Of course, of course. I’ll be out in the hallway, okay Yuri?”

 

Yuri spared him a single glance before he walked out. Dr. Moore closed the door behind him and sat down in the chair in the corner. She was a tall woman, with short gray hair and wrinkled skin. She settled her clipboard in her lap and pulled a pen out of her coat pocket. 

 

“Not the most fun place to spend your night, is it?” Dr. Moore said as she adjusted her glasses. 

 

Yuri shook his head. 

 

“So tell me about yourself.” 

 

Yuri raised an eyebrow and pouted. “What do you want to know?” He asked. 

 

“We can start wherever you want. But if the cat’s got your tongue I could always ask you a few questions to get you started.” The doctor suggested. 

 

Yuri didn’t say anything. 

 

“So where do you go to school?” Dr. Moore asked.

 

“I don’t go to school. I mean, I do. But I’m homeschooled.”

 

“Have you been homeschooled your entire life?”

 

“No. I went to school when I was little and I lived in Russia, but I started homeschooling when I moved here.”

 

“What changed?” The doctor asked, continuing to look Yuri in the eye.

 

“I came to the States because I was accepted to a ballet school I’d wanted to go to for awhile. I started homeschooling because I’m there all day.”

 

“Wow, that’s really interesting! So you’re a ballet dancer?”

 

Yuri nodded his head. He was perplexed. This doctor actually sounded like she was genuinely interested. 

 

“Do you like it?” She asked.

 

Yuri nodded his head. 

 

She quickly wrote something down and then promptly asked him another question. 

 

“So, Viktor, the man who brought you in tonight, is he your father?”

 

“No. I moved in with him when I came to ballet here.”

 

“Does anyone else live at home with you?”

 

“His husband. And a dog.”

 

“Oh, I love dogs. What are their names?”

 

“Viktor’s husband is Yuuri. Makkachin is the dog.” Yuri saw the doctor writing on her pad again. 

 

“Two Yuris huh.” Dr. Moore chuckled. “Would you say you like living there?”

 

“Yeah. I do.” Yuri admitted much faster than he would’ve liked. He was glad Viktor wasn’t in the room right now. 

 

“What do they do for a living?”

 

“Viktor teaches at the school. He used to be in the company but he retired. Yuuri still dances with the company.”

 

Dr. Moore nodded her head, scribbling something else down. 

 

“Who did you live with before you came to live here?”

 

“My grandpa. In Moscow.”

 

“And is your grandfather still alive?”

 

Yuri nodded his head. “He’s still in Moscow though. Lives in a nursing home.”

 

“Do you miss him?” She asked. 

 

Yuri chose not to speak this time, simply nodding his head instead. The doctor started writing again, except this time she took a bit longer before she started speaking again. Yuri stared at the bland, yellow wall. 

 

“Have you ever had any contact with your biological parents?” Dr. Moore asked.

 

“My mom. Not my dad.”

 

“And how is your relationship with your mom?”

 

Yuri’s breath hitched. “I don’t want to talk about my mom.”

 

Dr. Moore hesitated for a moment. 

 

“Has your mother ever abused you in any way, Yuri?” She asked. 

 

Yuri shook his head. “No. I just don’t want to talk about her.”

 

“That’s perfectly alright.” She wrote another note.

 

* * *

 

Viktor was alternating between pacing up and down the hallway and sitting in a folding chair while he waited for Yuuri to show up. It was eleven o’clock now, he should be here any minute. He told Yuuri in the voicemail that he wouldn’t have his phone and where to meet them. He wasn’t sure he could stand another second of this alone. 

 

He was bouncing his leg up and down when he saw the sliding door down the hallway open out of the corner of his eye. He felt an immense sense of relief at the sight of the Japanese boy with the glasses he’d fallen in love with years ago. 

 

“Vitya!” Yuuri said, rushing toward him and pulling him into a tight hug. Usually it was the other way around, Viktor comforting Yuuri, but it seemed the two had a mutual understanding of what Viktor needed right now. 

 

“What’s going on?” Yuuri asked quietly. 

 

Viktor shook his head. “He’s in there talking to a doctor right now.”

 

Yuuri looked toward the door. 

 

“When he fell, I panicked. He almost hit his head on the coffee table!”

 

“Viktor, I think you did the right thing bringing him here. There’s people here that really can help him. Help him in ways that maybe we can’t right now.”

 

Viktor sighed and rested his forehead on Yuuri’s shoulder while Yuuri gently stroked his back. 

 

“You still smell like hairspray.” Viktor commented. 

 

“Yeah well when I got that voicemail, I barely even had time to get my makeup off.”

 

Just then, the door down the hallway clicked open and Dr. Moore walked out, shutting it again behind her. 

 

“That’s the doctor.” Viktor said and stood up. 

 

“Dr. Moore, this is my husband, Yuuri.” Viktor introduced. 

 

“Hello Yuuri, I’m Dr. Moore.” She said politely and shook his hand. “Perhaps you’d like to give Yuri some company? I’ll need to have a brief word with Viktor as Yuri’s legal guardian.”

“Of course, where is he?” Yuuri asked. 

 

“Just through that doorway down the hall.” Dr. Moore pointed. Yuuri gave Viktor’s hand a reassuring squeeze, and then he was off again. Viktor took a deep breath and turned his attention back to the doctor. 

 

“I’ve finished my intake interview with Yuri. I’d like for him to have an EKG and some bloodwork done. I’d also like to keep him here for extended observation.” 

 

“And, what exactly does all of that entail?” Viktor asked.

 

“Well, since his body mass index is much lower than it should be for a boy his age, I’ll want to run a few tests so we can assess any physical damage done to his body.”

 

Viktor ran his hand through his hair nervously. 

 

“He will spend the night here, and tomorrow he’ll be moved upstairs. We will observe him for the next 72 hours, and then discuss our options for treatment from there.”

 

Viktor only nodded his head. He felt numb. Again he felt himself wishing Yuuri was there to take in all the information for him. 

  
  


Once Viktor was finished talking to Dr. Moore, he returned to Yuri’s room. When he returned, he found his two Yuris sitting on the bed together. Yurio was leaned into Yuuri, who had his arm wrapped around the small boy’s shoulder. Yurio’s eyes were red and puffy. Viktor could tell he’d been crying. Viktor really couldn’t blame him. Hell, he wanted to start crying again too. 

 

“I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.” Yurio mumbled. 

 

Yuuri sighed and squeezed his arm. “I know honey, and I wish you didn’t have to be here either. I wish you could come home with us too. But right now, you’re just not safe at home, and I think you know that too.” 

 

Yuri’s lower lip began to wobble as he started to cry again. He looked up at Viktor who’d just entered the room. 

 

“I’m so mad at you right now.” Yuri mumbled. 

 

_ I know, Yurio. I’m mad at me too. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for all the kudos and comments! they're very motivational and they really mean a lot to me <3
> 
> feedback appreciated! 
> 
> check me out on tumblr: absent.tumblr.com


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the supportive comments and kudos! I've been really motivated to write lately. Hope you enjoy this chapter <3

The night Yuri spent in the emergency room was without a doubt, the worst night of his life. He sat in the small room with Viktor and Yuuri without much conversation for an hour, and then was manhandled by a nurse who had to poke him with needles to take his blood. When the nurse performed the EKG, she had to lift up Yuri’s shirt so she could stick wires all over his chest. He would have felt intimidated enough if it were just himself and the nurse in the room, but the feeling of his guardian’s eyes seeing his body without being covered by clothes felt particularly shameful.

 

Something about the whole situation suddenly made Yuri feel extremely guilty. He didn’t ask for any of this, but Viktor and Yuuri were still here, and the looks on their faces wrung his heart. They both looked exhausted, and he still couldn’t believe Viktor _cried_ because of him. It was a burden he didn’t want on his shoulders.

 

They finally left around 1AM, promising to return in the morning for when he would be moved upstairs.

 

Just after they left, a male nurse came into his room to “inspect” him. The male nurse told Yuri he had to take both his shirt and his pants off, so that he could look for any cuts or bruises. This was even worse, shedding his clothing made him feel immensely unsafe, and he had to remind himself not to instinctively cover up.

 

“What’s this here?” The nurse asked, pointing at a scar on the back of Yuri’s leg. Yuri turned around and looked. He even smiled a bit at the memory.

 

“I tried to jump over a fence when this one time when I was 14. Didn’t really make it.” Yuri said, grinning. The nurse gave him a suspicious look.

 

_It’s on the back of my leg how the hell could I have done that myself?_

 

Yuri, not wanting to give them any reason to keep him here longer, wiped the grin off his face.

 

Maybe it was all the nurses and doctors, maybe it was is sudden sense of guilt, maybe it was exhaustion, but Yuri was getting even more annoyed, if that were possible.

 

After that nurse left, Yuri laid down on the bed and curled into a ball on his side, facing the wall. He pulled the thin hospital blanket up to his chin and tried to sleep. And it should’ve been been easy to, but from the moment he laid down and closed his eyes, Yuri was overwhelmed by a new emotion; fear.

 

Yuri was afraid. Of what, he didn’t know. He felt like he had no real reason to be afraid. He was in a hospital. There were doctors and nurses there, nothing could bad happen to him. But now, all he could feel was fear, and he didn’t have anything to attach it to.

 

He was tired, but he couldn’t sleep. Bored, but he had nothing to do. He couldn’t pick up his phone and text Otabek, he couldn’t binge watch cute cat videos on Youtube, he couldn’t sleep and he had no idea to how to pass the time.

 

He wasn’t even sure what time it was. The room didn’t have a clock or a window. He felt like he was in prison. He felt trapped.

 

* * *

 

The kettle wheezed as Yuuri rushed into the kitchen. It was a rare sight, the both of them being awake at 2 o’clock in the morning. Yuuri was a bit of a night owl sometimes, but never when both him and Viktor had work in the morning.

 

Yuuri poured the hot water into two mugs for their tea and then returned to the living room where Viktor was sitting on the couch. Neither of them had said much on the way home, and Viktor’s eyes were still pink and glazed over.

 

Viktor muttered a quick ‘thank you’ when Yuuri handed him his tea and sat down on the couch next to him.

 

Viktor removed one hand from his grip on the mug and pointed at the floor, to the left of the coffee table.

 

“Right there. That’s where he fell.” Viktor mumbled.

 

Yuuri put his mug down on the table and then took Viktor’s too. “Listen to me,” Yuuri grabbed ahold of his husband’s hands “this is _not_ your fault.”

 

“I know.” Viktor said. But Yuuri recognized the voice. It was Viktor’s fake voice. Not the voice of an honest and proud Viktor, but the voice Viktor used to please others. To tell them what they want to hear.

 

“I just feel so bad leaving him there.” Viktor said, leaning back into Yuuri.

 

“I know, love, I know.” Yuuri said as he stroked Viktor’s hair.

 

“He’s so small.” Viktor said, voice strained. “I can’t believe I’ve let him ruin himself like this.”

 

Yuuri took a deep breath. “Viktor, listen to me. Yuri is _not_ broken. He’s a little bit sick right now. People get sick, it happens, and it has nothing to do with you. You were not the one starving him. He’s doing that to himself because he can’t see himself how he really is. When he looks at himself in the mirror, he doesn’t see what the rest of us see.”

 

“I just hate that he has to go through this.” Viktor mumbled into his chest.

 

“I know. I do to, but it’s just like getting sick. We’re fortunate enough to provide him with the medical care he needs, and he is going to get that help. And he will get through this.”

 

“I know, you’re right. It’s funny, I’m the one that’s worried for a change.” Viktor admitted.

 

“Well, that’s why we have each other.” Yuuri said.

 

They laid on the couch in silence for a few minutes, neither feeling like they could sleep.

 

“So, what should the plan be for tomorrow?” Yuuri asks.

 

“Well, I guess I’ll teach my morning class, then go over to the hospital so I can go upstairs with him. I’ll have to explain everything to Yakov too...” Viktor trailed off. He wasn’t even sure what to say. Yakov was easy, he could just say what happened, but what about everyone else. Yuri was notorious for never having missed a class. People were going to start asking questions. What would he say?

 

“I’ll meet you at the hospital.”

 

Both of them fell asleep on the couch that night.

 

* * *

 

Yuri wasn’t sure when he’d fallen asleep, but he’d been woken up by another doctor. Not Dr. Moore, this one was shorter, with longer hair.

 

“Good morning, I’m here to take just a little blood, okay?” The doctor said, tying a stretchy blue band around Yuri’s bicep.

 

_More blood?_

 

Yuri grunted and wiped his eyes, still half asleep. “What time is it?” Yuri mumbled, wincing slightly she pierced his skin with the needle.

 

The doctor looked at her watch. “It’s about a quarter past six. Don’t worry, you can go back to sleep when I’m done.”

 

_You woke me up at six in the morning to take my blood?_

 

Yuri was too tired to protest, and as soon as she was done, he laid back down and fell asleep quickly.

 

* * *

 

The next time Yuri woke up, Viktor was talking outside with Dr. Moore. He had no idea what time it was now, so he just sat up in bed and waited. A nurse came in seeing that he was awake, and offered Yuri breakfast. Yuri, knowing that hospital food was disgusting, declined.

 

“Good morning, Yuri.” Dr. Moore said, walking into the room. Viktor followed behind.

 

Aside from a change of clothes, Viktor didn’t look any better than he did last night. He had dark circles under his eyes.

 

_Well at least I got to sleep in, I guess._

 

“So, Viktor’s got a little more paperwork to fill out for you, and then we’re going to move you upstairs. I think you’ll be happier up there. Your room has a window, there’s a TV in the common room, and there’s a phone you can use. Much less stuffy than it is in this tiny room.” Dr. Moore said.

 

“Someone will be by in about thirty minutes to bring you up. Do you have any questions for me?”

 

“How long do I have to stay here?” Yuri asked.

 

“You’ll remain in extended observation for the next 48 hours. During that time, we will decide on further options for treatment and what we think will work best for you.” Dr. Moore explained.

 

Yuri didn’t respond.

 

“Thank you so much, Dr. Moore, you’ve been so helpful to us.” Viktor thanked her graciously.

 

“Of course.” Dr. Moore said, smiling sweetly.

 

After Dr. Moore left, Yuri stayed put and Viktor sat down to finish the rest of the paperwork. It was mostly just consent forms, medical history, stuff like that.

 

“How was class this morning?” Yuri asked, because he was itching for at least some conversation.

 

“It was good.” Viktor said. “Everybody was asking for you.”

 

“What did you tell them?”

 

“Just that you weren’t feeling well.”

 

_That’s not even a lie. I feel like shit._

 

“What about Beka?” Yuri asked.

 

“I didn’t tell him anything yet. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to.”

 

A security guard and a nurse came into the room with a wheelchair. They explained they were there to bring Yuri upstairs, and that the wheelchair was just hospital procedure. Yuri reluctantly climbed into the wheelchair, and Viktor walked beside him.

 

This place was a maze. They went through hallways, around corners, into two different elevators, and then through even more hallways. It’d be a miracle if Yuuri could find his way up here. All Viktor knew to tell him was the eleventh floor.

 

When they finally reached their destination, Yuri found that this place was actually a million times nicer than it was in the ER. There were a few chairs and couches surrounded around a TV, and a few tables with card games and art supplies strewn across.

 

He was brought to his room, which wasn’t actually much bigger than the one downstairs, but it had a huge window facing the East River. The bed wasn’t a hospital bed like the one downstairs either. It was just a normal twin sized bed. At least that added a tiny bit of normalcy to the whole thing. He sat down on the bed and fidgeted with his hospital bracelet while he looked out the window.

 

Viktor left again to call Yuuri, and when he returned he said that Yuuri had just gotten out of rehearsal and was on his way.  

 

When Yuuri got there, he brought Yuri’s homework with him. Which felt like the last thing he wanted to do right now, but he figured that at least it would give him something to do while Viktor and Yuuri weren’t there with him.

 

The three of them were able to pass some time playing Uno, and they eventually stopped when a nurse came by to give Yuri a magnesium supplement. His EKG had come back normal but apparently his bloodwork showed various nutritional deficiencies.

 

“Oh, Yurio, I almost forgot.” Yuuri pulled a piece of paper out of his pants pocket. “I wrote down some phone numbers for you in case you wanted to use the phone here.” Yuuri said, handing the paper to Yuri.

 

“I wrote my phone number and Viktor’s. And then I also put Otabek and your grandfather. I wasn’t sure if you’d want Mila, but I wrote her’s down too just in case.”

 

Yuri stared at the piece of paper when he took it.

 

“Do you want me to write down anyone else?” Yuuri asked.

 

“No um, that’s fine.” Yuri said. “And thanks.” He remembered to add. Yuuri smiled.

 

“Yurio, do you want Otabek to come visit you? I’m sure he would, he was very worried when you weren’t in class today.” Viktor suggested.

 

Yuri looked down at his feet. He wasn’t sure if he wanted Otabek to see him in this place. He knew he looked like a mess, and this whole place was just sad.

 

“I don’t know. Maybe I’ll call him later.” Yuri mumbled.

 

* * *

 

Viktor and Yuuri left late that afternoon, and Yuri went back into his room. There were four other patients in the extended observation ward, but Yuri didn’t feel like socializing. They said he only had to be here for 48 hours before he got moved someplace else, so there wasn’t any point anyway. He tried to do his homework, but he didn’t get very far. _Grapes of Wrath_ barely made sense to him already, and with everything on his mind in this place, he wasn’t going to understand shit.

 

He set the book down on the table next to the bed. He picked up the piece of paper with the phone numbers on it and read Otabek’s number, over and over again.

 

_What am I even going to say to him? ‘Hey, I’m in the hospital and I have no idea when I’m getting out.’ No. Doesn’t sound great._

 

Accepting that he wasn’t going to get any reading done and he wasn’t going to work up the courage to call Otabek, Yuri crawled under his covers and went to sleep.

 

-

 

When he woke up, it was dark out. It couldn’t have been too late though, because outside his room two patients were still up watching TV.

 

Yuri hugged his knees to his chest and stared at his hospital bracelet again.

 

_God, I wish Beka was here._

 

He read his bracelet, again and again.

 

PLISETSKY, YURI

DOB: MARCH 1, 2001 (16 YRS)

MALE

A-DATE: 5/07/17

 

_I just want Beka._

 

Yuri stood up from the bed and left his room, taking the paper with him. He walked down the hallway and sat in the chair next to the wired phone on the wall and dialed his boyfriend’s number.

 

_Please answer your phone, you big doof._

 

“Hello?”

 

“Beka!” Yuri sighed with relief.

 

“Yura? Where have you been? Who’s phone are you calling me from?”

 

Yuri took a deep breath as he mentally prepared himself. “I’m calling you from the hospital. Viktor brought me here Sunday night.”

 

“On Sunday? Yura, what happened?”

 

Yuri felt a lump growing in his throat, like he’d just swallowed a big pill without drinking any water. “I passed out again when I got home and Viktor freaked.” He admitted.

 

Yuri began to get nervous when he didn’t hear anything on the other end of the phone.

 

“Beka?”

 

“Yura, I’m so relieved.”

 

_What?_

 

“No! I hate it here!” Yuri choked. Great, he started crying again.

 

“Oh Yura, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry you have to do this. I know it must be awful for you but this might be what makes you feel better.”

 

Yuri didn’t say anything on account of his sobbing getting out of control. Everyone wanted him here, and Yuri wanted to be practically anywhere but here.

 

“When can I come see you?”

 

Yuri wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

 

“I don’t know, I guess whenever you don’t have class.” Yuri sniffled.

 

“Yura, I’ll skip class. I’d come to you right now if I could but I doubt visiting hours are at ten o’clock at night.”

 

Yuri let out a small, shaky laugh and wiped his eyes again.

 

“I understand if you don’t want me there.”

 

“No, no, that’s not it.” Yuri said quickly. “I do want you here. I guess if you want to come you can come in the morning. Visiting hours start at nine.” He explained.

 

“Of course I want to be there. I love you, Yura.”

 

“I love you too, Beka.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember I said this was going to be 14 chapters? Yeah, it's gonna end up being longer.
> 
> As always, feedback much appreciated :)
> 
> absent.tumblr.com


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for continuing to stick with me this far throughout the story. I'm sorry it took me so long to update and reply to comments, I'm really trying to get better at that. Hope you all enjoy this chapter!

Yuri was woken up again at 6 for more blood tests. Apparently this is going to be a regular thing. He was actually going to be woken up every morning to have a needle stuck in his arm. He can’t imagine a worse way to start off his day.

 

Yuri cherishes the first few seconds before he awakens every morning. It’s almost like when he wakes up, just for a second, he doesn’t remember where he is. For one second, everything can be normal. He’s back at home in his bed next to the big window, the heavy weight of his comfortable blankets on top of him, maybe Makkachin is in the bed with him at his feet. 

 

But one look at another person in a lab coat with a stethoscope around their neck hurls him back into the crushing reality of where he really is. 

 

This morning, after he’s woken up, Yuri isn’t able to fall back asleep. He blames it on a lot of things. His anger at Viktor and Yuuri for sticking him in a place like this, Otabek was coming to see him today, and maybe this one is ridiculous, but he’s no doubt lost all his snapchat streaks. Yuri feels completely cut off from the rest of the world.

 

After lying in bed and trying to fall back to sleep for half an hour, Yuri crawls out of bed and on to the floor. Maybe he can’t go to class, but at least he can stretch. He hasn’t gotten much exercise for the past few days, and he’s really starting to get antsy.

 

After the cold floor becomes too uncomfortable, he pulls the chair out from the desk next to his bed so he can sit in an oversplit and rest his head on his knee. 

 

_ It’s been a really long time since I’ve spoken to Grandpa. I could call him now, he’d probably be awake. _

 

Yuri moves off the chair so he can switch to his other leg. He puts his head down again and picks at the blue fabric of his pant leg. 

 

_ Yeah, I should call him. I’m not telling him about any of this though. I’ll be lucky if he can even have a conversation, there’s no reason for him to worry over this bull.  _

 

He leaves his room and walks through the common room. None of the other patients seem to be up yet. 

 

“Good morning dear, would you like me to get you some breakfast?” A nurse whose name Yuri hasn’t cared to learn asks. 

 

“No, thanks. I just wanted to use the phone.” Yuri responds. 

 

The nurse nods and Yuri sits down to dial his grandfather. 

 

The conversation turns out to be pleasant. Yuri doesn’t bring up anything about the hospital and instead answers all of his grandfather’s questions about how his grandson is doing in America. Apparently Nikolai brags about him to all his friends at the nursing home, showing off his pictures to other patients and nurses every chance he gets. Yuri tells him about his last performance with the school, and he tells him about how Yuuri is performing Giselle for the rest of this week. He has to keep reminding himself to say ‘Viktor’s husband’ instead of Yuuri’s actual name, because his grandfather can never place that there’s more than one Yuri. 

 

They exchange ‘I love you’s and ‘talk to you soon’s and Yuri hangs up the phone. He returns to his room to put the paper with the phone numbers back on his desk and decides he’d rather not stay in his room until Otabek gets here. It’s not like he can sleep or do anything in there anyway. Eventually he sprawls out across the couch in front of the TV and eats some cantaloupe for breakfast. Watching a boring documentary, he falls asleep. 

 

* * *

 

The next time Yuri wakes up, it’s to a hand shaking his shoulder. 

 

“Yuri? You have a visitor, darling.” The same nurse from earlier says.

 

Yuri looks up and almost cries out of relief. In a second, he’s sprung himself up from the couch and into his boyfriend’s arms. 

 

“Hey.” Otabek laughs, wrapping his arms tightly around Yuri’s small frame.

 

“Hey yourself.” Yuri’s voice comes out muffled as his face is buried in the crook of the taller boy’s neck. 

 

The two move to one of the tables and have a seat next to each other in the plastic chairs. 

 

“I brought you something.” Otabek says, handing over what looked like something fuzzy covered in tiger print. 

 

“They made me open them up so they could search them before I came in, but Mila had a pointe shoe fitting yesterday so I went with her. Thought maybe you could use your own personal touch.”

 

Yuri takes the item and inspects it. Tiger print socks with a slip proof paw shaped pattern on the bottom. He grins uncontrollably. They’re perfect.

 

“Thanks, Beka!” Yuri breathes and yanks off the socks the hospital gave him, putting his new ones on immediately. 

 

After their well deserved reunion, Yuri decides he wants to kick Beka’s ass in Uno. The epic climax of the game comes when Yuri puts down a draw four card. Otabek counters with another draw four card. Luckily, Yuri has a second draw four card, which he puts down too. 

 

“Hah! Draw twelve!” Yuri says, defiantly. 

 

Otabek hesitates. “I’m sorry.” He says. 

 

“Are you fucking serious?” Yuri says in anticipation.

 

Otabek places another draw four card down. 

 

Yuri, who now has upward of twenty cards in his hand decides he doesn’t want to play anymore. 

 

Otabek teaches him how to play Solitaire for when he’s alone, and then the two decide to clean up the playing cards and put them back in their boxes.  

 

Yuri puts his feet up on the table to admire his new fuzzy tiger paws and slumped back in his chair. 

 

“I hate it here, Beka. This whole thing is stupid. I’m bored and I’m lonely. I just want to go back to class. I want to go back to my normal life.”

 

“I promise you, nothing exciting is happening in class.” Otabek tries to assure. 

 

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re not the one stuck in here! And don’t try to say the same thing everyone else says. ‘Your health comes first.’ ‘You have to get better.’” Yuri mocks. 

 

“You don’t know a thing about it.” Yuri says, pouting.

 

Otabek sighs and reaches into the pocket of his jeans. He pulls out a foil packet of gum and rests it on the table. 

 

“What’s that? Why am I supposed to care about your gum?” Yuri bites.

 

“It’s nicotine gum.” Otabek says plainly. 

 

“You’re right. I don’t know a thing about it. And I know it’ll be hard, but I want to understand. I don’t know what I can do except be here for you. This isn’t any comparison, but maybe you and I can kick our bad habits together.” He explains. 

 

Yuri is silent for a moment. He doesn’t know how to react. 

 

“You’re really gonna quit smoking?” He asks.

 

Otabek nods proudly. “I’m really gonna quit smoking.” He confirms. 

 

“I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t.”

 

Yuri’s uncontrollable smile spreads across his face again. 

 

“You big dummy.”

 

* * *

 

Yuri’s mood definitely lifts after his reunion with Otabek, and he wears his orange tiger socks with pride, even while he sleeps. But in the morning, Viktor, Yuuri, and his doctors bring him news that only sends his mood plummeting back down. 

 

“Two weeks?! Minimum?!” Yuri erupted. 

 

“Yes, we’d like to keep your treatment as a day by day process, starting a minimum of two weeks in our adolescent inpatient unit.” The not-Dr. Moore doctor explains. 

 

Yuri had so many doctors and nurses over the past few days, after the first doctor in the ER, he hadn’t cared to remember all their names. 

 

“I can’t miss two whole weeks of class! I’ve never even missed that much before!” Yuri complains, helplessly looking back and forth between Viktor and Yuuri for one of them to intervene and save him. Of course, they didn’t. 

 

“Depending on how quickly you progress, you may be discharged two weeks from today. If your guardians and the staff here are not pleased with your progress, we may need you to stay longer. After your discharge you will likely attend an outpatient partial hospitalization program.”

 

“And how long will he have to go to the outpatient program?” Viktor asks, likely sensing the same anxiety at the idea of Yurio being out of practice for so long. 

 

“I cannot speak to the exact logistics at the moment, as this will all have to be determined over the next two weeks.” The doctor responds.

 

“You can’t be serious.” Yuri mumbles and slides downward. 

 

“Yuri, it won’t be too bad. Maybe you’ll make friends.” Yuuri suggests.

 

Yuri shoots him a glare that just says ‘shut up’.

The doctor nods. “There are multiple therapy groups you can attend everyday. And you have lots of choices too. We’ve got art and drama therapy, pet therapy, yoga, we even have movement classes. You can wear your own clothes too.”

 

Yuri scoffs. As if he’s going to dance in some beginner level ‘movement’ class in a fucking hospital. 

 

The doctor turns her attention to Viktor and Yuuri.

 

“While Yuri is here, he will also meet individually with a therapist and psychiatrist. He may be put on some medication as well. Any decisions we make regarding medications will of course be discussed with a legal guardian first.”

 

Yuuri nods. 

 

_ They’re talking about me like I’m not even right in front of them. _

 

“In addition to the optional therapy groups and individual therapy, Yuri will participate in both DBT, CBT, goal setting and social skills, all of which are taught in a group therapy setting among his peers. We’ll also be creating a meal plan so we can get Yuri weight restored in a manner as healthfully as possible.” 

 

“Yuri can have visitors during visiting hours, and if you’d like, you can bring some of his clothes. No drawstrings or shoelaces, and no clothing with graphic or inappropriate material.”

 

Yuri sits in the doctor’s office and finds himself staring at the wall. He isn’t even listening anymore, the other three voices in the room sounded dull and muffled. At the beginning of this meeting, he’d actually held on to some kind of hope that maybe they’d let him go home. He felt stupid for even entertaining the idea. 

 

And as he was wheeled yet again into another part of the hospital, he felt nothing. It wasn’t as if he’s felt all the sadness, or anger, or fear wash away in an instant. He just felt numb. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what the paw socks look like, they were my favorite warmups while I was dancing and the tiger ones have always reminded me of Yuri haha https://dancer.com/product/cozy-paws/
> 
> CBT: Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) is a time-sensitive, structured, present-oriented psychotherapy directed toward solving current problems and teaching clients skills to modify dysfunctional thinking and behavior.
> 
> Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is a therapy designed to help people suffering from mood disorders as well as those who need to change patterns of behavior that are not helpful, such as self-harm, suicidal ideation, and substance abuse.
> 
> Feedback appreciated!
> 
> sidenote: I've changed my url on tumblr! I am now absent.tumblr.com :)


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